The Fashion Model

Dating with Emuna – An Open Letter to Singles, Part 1
 
I will never forget davening that Shabbat.
 
I was a recent divorcee, and I had just met with my first shadchan (matchmaker) post-divorce. She was very nice to me, went through my shidduch resume with much eagerness, and asked lots of important questions. Then came the loaded questions. “Oh, you won’t date anyone more than 10 years older than you? Oh really? Why not?” and the like. I had already gone through the few things I should absolutely not compromise on with my Rabbi, and I was polite, but firm, that I was willing to consider many things but these (only three) specific things were “out of bounds” if you will. Well, it was made very clear to me that those limitations were going to really get in my way if I “want to get married.” Then, she really went for the knock-out punch.
 
“You’re wearing a sheitl (wig) now?”
 
I replied in the affirmative. Again, my Rabbi and I had already discussed the issue and decided that uncovering my hair after the divorce was definitely not according to where I was holding, and the kind of guy I was looking for.
 
“Well, it’s very pretty. And I can see that you’re wearing some makeup, which is very nice. But really, you must understand. You never know who you’re going to see where, and who you might meet who might know of a nice guy for you. You always need to be ready! I know you don’t always wear that sheitl. If you’re not going to uncover your hair, fine – but you need to always – always! – look like a fashion model. That means every time you walk out of the house, you need to be wearing that sheitl, in your best clothes, with makeup on!”
 
That conversation had been stewing in my gut for days already when I walked into the women’s section of my synagogue. I started to pray, and burst into tears. All the frustration of the previous week came spilling out of my heart, onto and over the pages of the siddur (prayer book).
 
“Hashem!” I cried in my heart, “I don’t want to go around dressed to impress all day! That’s not who I am, not after all the years I’ve worked on myself to be real, and not act like a fake trying to market myself like a piece of meat! Surely, as a bas Yisrael (Jewish woman) I try my best to always look modest and presentable, but this?! Do I really have to turn myself into someone else to get married?”
 
As I prayed intensely in my heart, a new sense of calm slowly overtook me. Hashem opened my mind, and strengthened my emuna, and I realized with utter clarity, that the only way I would ever merit meeting my true soul-mate, was to cling to Hashem, cling to emuna, and be absolutely myself with no fear. If I would strive to be my highest self, surely the guy who is really right for me will specifically want to marry me because of that, and not in spite of it! I vowed on the spot that I would trust only in Hashem, and do what He wants me to do, and never let myself get pushed into giving up on one iota of myself.
 
What Hashem enabled me to realize during that seminal moment in the synagogue became my life support, and I clung to it during the challenges I faced while dating. G-d willing, in the rest of the series, I will explain how dating with emuna will enable you to successfully pass the test of singlehood, and with Hashem’s mercy, one day find a mate with whom you can build a successful, happy life.
 
To be continued

****

Rachel is now the Editor of Breslev Israel’s English website. She welcomes questions and comments to her email: rachel.avrahami@breslev.co.il.