Real Pearls

Recently I bought some tiny pearl earrings for my daughter in one of those gaudy, packed-to-the-hilt, imitation-jewelry stores. They were extremely cheap so I was surprised to see the sign stuck on the display that read, “REAL PEARLS”. Yeah, right. Still, the manager was wearing a kippa, so I really wanted to assume that it was true, not that it mattered. I was in trinket-town, not Tiffany.
 
Later I asked my friend, a gemologist, if it was possible for real pearls, even cultured ones, to be so cheap. She said it was, and explained the process.
 
Cultured pearls are made in the same way as real pearls, except that the foreign particle is deliberately placed into the clam as opposed to accidentally entering via natural causes. Once the particle is in the clam, the pearly layering over it takes place.
 
The advantage of culturing pearls is that the size of the original particle can be pre-determined, as can the timing of the layering, to ensure uniformity of the pearls and their end value. Therefore, cheap cultured pearls are made by starting off with a larger particle, and allowing less time for layers to form around it, and expensive pearls start with a tiny particle, and are allowed longer to develop more pearl layers, thus being worth more, even if they are the same size.
 
My friend explained that if I were to scratch the pearls I had bought I would see that the pearl layer was indeed shallow. But yes, they were real pearls. I guess you could call them immature. Harvested before their peak, sold before their time.
 
This seems to resemble the process of returning to G-d.  We come with all our ingrained ideas, baggage, misdemeanors and spiritual thirst, then gladly clam ourselves in the warmth of His hands, and slowly but surely develop what we hope will become layers of pure, beautiful, glowing and valuable service.
 
Sometimes I feel as if I am on the road to becoming an expensive pearl. I want to stay safely clammed shut within the confines of spiritual ascent and develop visibly glowing layers of pure spiritual awakening. And then there are the times I feel as if my shell has been forced open too early in the process, torn out of my protective coating and put out on the market as “ready” goods.
 
Sometimes I think I might actually be the real deal. And then suddenly I feel as if I might look the part, but if you were to dig a little beyond the surface you would quickly strike dirt, my less illustrious beginnings lurking dangerously beneath the shining surface of fragile growth.
 
But then again, I had seen it with my own eyes. The sign said “REAL PEARLS”.
 
Perhaps there are times when we need to know what we are worth, and yet other times when we need to be aware of how far we are from being worthy. When we are down, we can remind ourselves that we are true pearls. And when we are feeling spiritually gratified, we can remember that we are still so close to our murky origins, with delicate layers enveloping us, yet with many more to come, with much time still needed to develop.
 
And there are times when we will want to shout “STOP!”, and tear ourselves away prematurely from the development process. Even at those times, my gemologist friend assures me, we can still consider ourselves true pearls.
 
The main thing is not to sell ourselves short, at any time. It is so easy to become disheartened and overwhelmed in our quest to connect to G-d. There is so much spiritual resistance to our progress from all angles, both from the evil inclination and from G-d himself, to test our true determination and desire.
 
Rebbe Nachman teaches that it is extremely important that we believe in ourselves. As opposed to populist new-age jargon, he explains what this REALLY means: that we strongly need to believe our point of origin comes from the highest of eternal sources, and within each of us resides a holy soul that is a piece of G-d himself, with infinite potential for pure good.
 
As long as we can see ourselves as real pearls, no matter which stage of the spiritual process, then we are truly connecting to our inner jewel: our G-dly soul.