Like a Fighter

Like a fighter that never gives up, the Yetzer Hara (evil inclination) never gives up.
 
I have tried everything to defeat it. For every impact I make, he just brushes it off and comes back with even more momentum. No matter what I do I am still confronted by my lusts. It feels like nothing ever works.
 
Maybe that’s what the problem is, nothing is supposed to work. Our job is not to win.
 
Trying to land that knockout punch is the wrong strategy. Even if developing that super-weapon against the evil inclination is a good idea, it cannot be with the expectation that we will emerge victorious. Our intent must be to win a battle. The war will definitely continue. The enemy will survive.
 
Mankind has been fighting against its baser instincts since the moment Adam marveled at the beauty of that tree. It has gone on throughout time as empires decayed from major decisions made out of personal pride rather than the common good.
 
Will it ever end?
 
It will end when Hashem destroys the yetzer hara in all of us and every obstacle to reaching our full potential will be removed. Then the sky’s the limit.
 
Until that moment we are still engaged in this never ending war where the enemy only gets stronger every time we win a round. This must be what our Sages meant in Ethics of the Fathers when they stated:
 
It is not incumbent upon you to finish the task, but neither are you free to absolve yourself from it. (Pirkei Avot 2:16)
 
We don’t have to win the battle but we have to keep fighting it. Hashem will end it. We have to stay on our feet until He does.
 
We do everything to fight off our lusts. We learn the laws of Personal Holiness. We pray with increasing intensity. We ask G-d in our own language to help us clear our thoughts. We filter our internets. We stop watching television. We avert our eyes while we walk in public.
 
We are so locked into the current battleground, we never get the chance to turn around and measure the distance we’ve covered. All we see are these lusts still coming at us with no respite. No matter what we try we are always be begging Hashem for help in fighting the same battles.
 
It seems like we keep failing in our mission. It feels like we are lousy employees who have to keep returning to our Boss to ask Him how to perform the same task we have yet to figure out despite years of training.
 
Does this make us candidates for Divine unemployment?
 
No.
 
If our job is to keep fighting then taking on the same adversary is something to be proud of. If we know that Hashem will be the only one who can destroy the evil inclination, then a human standoff is a Divine victory. It’s the best we can do.
 
It’s all Hashem expected from us all along.
 
Just like any boxing match – with every punch we land the Judge awards us points. This is why our primary mission is to keep fighting!
 
While we are all doubling our efforts this Shovevim, here is another tip for combatting the hardest level of lust there is: immoral thoughts.
 
Right while we are engaging in these thoughts, even when we are at the point where the images in our mind are the most graphic and explicit, belt out, “Hashem, I don’t want to think these thoughts. Please help me overcome my lusts right now and return to You with a clear mind and total focus. I know You are right here watching me as I generate these images. Please know that I don’t want this. I will never do this. All I want is to serve You with all of my ability and steer my heart to Your Torah. Please forgive me for this temporary setback and help me come closer.”
 
We can say this out loud. We can say it in our mind. If these thoughts don’t go away right after we say this short hitbodedut, we can say it again. If they come back – we can say it again. If we are trapped in a fifteen minute span where these thoughts will attack us a thousand times – we say it a thousand times! Every hit scores points – especially while we are on the ropes.
 
On the outside it looks like we are sitting doing nothing. In reality we are moving mountains with our exertion. While unplanned thoughts like these can feel like a nightmare, what we do in response to them is a dream. How many times do we have the chance to perform hundreds of mitzvoth in a matter of minutes? One of the greatest joys we give to G-d is in resisting this sin. Judaism is not a result’s based faith. It is not our job to win. It is our mission to keep fighting.
 
 
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Dovber Halevi is the author of Sex, Religion, and the Middle East: Passion in the 21^st Century. His book on personal holiness and happiness will be available this spring.