We Win and Then We Lose

“I am not wearing a jacket today. We are going to the beach”, my daughter insisted.  

“Sweetie, it’s December. There might be heavy winds at the sea. You could catch a cold. You have to wear more than something light.” Mommy was determined.   

“I checked the weather myself. It’s warm up and down the coast. I don’t need a jacket.”  

“I want you to be prepared. Just in case.”  

It went on like that for a while. That afternoon, I picked her up from school. As I waited for her, I wiped some beads of sweat from my forehead.   

My daughter was right.   

She emerged from the school’s entrance with a satisfied grin.   

“Told you so”, she said sheepishly.   

My reply wasn’t what she expected.   

“You’re right. You didn’t need a jacket. By the way, you’re grounded. Give me your phone and your tablet.”  

“But I was right!”, she protested.   

“Yes, you were. But you can be right and wrong at the same time. You should have listened to mommy. You could have put on the heavy coat and stored the light jacket in your bag.” 

Half Right at Best 

In the Ethics of the Fathers (4:14), Rabbi Nehorai quotes Shlomo HaMelech in Mishlei (Proverbs 3:15) to warn us not to rely on our own understanding.   

He is admonishing us not to be right. We are warned not to trust in our own observations. We are cautioned in having eyes that cannot see and ears that cannot hear.  

This is the heart of emunah.   

My daughter represents all of us: Clinging to our own judgments of what is right even when events confirm us being right. Shlomo HaMelech reminds us that even if we are right about something, if it isn’t what Hashem commands, we’re wrong.   

In the Book of Job, Job claims: I am a good man, why do I suffer?  

Hashem responds by saying: My thoughts are not your thoughts.   

We cannot decide good and bad on our own. We cannot rely on our own ability to process morality because we live in the material world that is restricted. We only live in the past and the present. God oversees the past, present, and future.   

We don’t possess enough evidence to render judgment on anything.   

If a society naively anoints itself as the body who decides morality, it could decree that men can wear lipstick and criminals won’t get punished.   

Humility is, in part, to concede that Hashem is Master of all worlds. He sees everything. He creates the past, present, and future. He knew about Wi-Fi and 3D printers while He was commanding Adam in the Garden of Eden.  

He knows who will reign in 50 years, what technologies will be commonplace, and what the world will look like.   

He has all the evidence to decree right and wrong. His decrees define right and wrong.  

Whether on Facebook, at work, or with our family, we can win all the arguments. But if it is done with Lashon Hara (evil speech) or in anger, we lose – even if we win.   

We can make all the money we want, conquering every professional battle we face. But if we don’t give 10% to charity or if we did it with deceit, we lose – even if we win.   

The core of emunah is to carry out the will of God when your mind and instincts tell you otherwise. Better to lose and then win – in the end you come out ahead.  

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David Ben Horin lives in Afula with his family, millions of sunflowers, and Matilda, our local camel. David’s Israeli startup, Center Stage Marketing, is a lean marketing agency for startups and small businesses that creates and promotes SEO optimized ROI-driven to the right audience on LinkedIn to make your business the star of the show.