Self-made Jews

Everyone respects the self-made man, the person who attained success by starting at the bottom rung of the ladder; the one who overcame all sorts of obstacles with perseverance, dedication, and hard work to ascend to the top. People have little respect for the person born with the proverbial silver-spoon in his mouth; the one who never accomplished anything on his own but inherited everything he has from Mommy and Daddy.

If we respect the self-made man who attained material abundance by virtue of his own efforts, then we can’t help but respecting the “self-made Jew,” the one who traveled a rocky uphill road – with Hashem’s loving guidance, of course – to attain every morsel of spiritual gain while paying the price of sweat, blood, and tears.

Don’t get me wrong – we BTs (baalei teshuva, spiritually-awakened Jews) were certainly not born with a kosher silver spoon in our mouths, yet I’m referring to another type of self-made Jew. These are the young people who were born in observant homes and for any number of reasons (which we’ll soon touch on, G-d willing) fell by the spiritual wayside. Now, they are returning on their own accord to observant Judaism.

We often hear the negative attitudes toward the “off the derech” kids, also known as the “at risk” kids. These are the youth that are on a dangerous downward spiral – or more accurately a nosedive – in their observance of Torah and mitzvot.

During my recent speaking tours in the USA, I had the rare privilege of sitting down and candidly discussing the worrisome phenomenon of “falling off the derech” with many young people who were born in the Chassidic strongholds of Williamsburg, Monsey, Boro Park and Monroe. The good news is that many of these same wonderful young people – and I purposely stress wonderful – are coming back to observant Judaism in droves, largely by virtue of the the teachings of my beloved teacher and spiritual guide, Rabbi Shalom Arush, may Hashem bless him. Last year, over four hundred of these recently self-made Jews attended our emuna shiur in Williamsburg’s Kollel W. This year, over six hundred attended “Dynamite Night”, an evening of song and emuna that we did in Monsey with the popular Jewish-music star Lipa Schmeltzer.

Lipa Schmeltzer has attained a reputation in recent years of being a Chassidic black sheep as well as the bad boy of Jewish music. Yet, I’ve been privileged to witness his amazing spiritual growth in recent months, which includes his thirst for the teachings of Rav Shalom Arush as well as two pilgrimages to Rebbe Nachman’s holy grave site in Uman. Lipa and his close friend Sam Indig asked me to tutor them on the fine points of personal prayer, then stood with me for a full hour on Shabbat afternoon – instead of sleeping off their cholent – to spend a solemn sixty minutes straight in hitbodedut by Rebbe Nachman’s holy grave site. Not only that, but Lipa and Sam are instrumental in bringing dozens (that I know about, but it could be hundreds) of the off-the-derech young people back to the fold, but this time as self-made Jews who are choosing to return to Hashem on their own accord and to serve Hashem the way they choose, not the way they were forced. I had an interesting discussion with several of the self-made chevrei who accompanied Lipa and Sam to Uman:

Shmilly: My father can’t stand hearing it, but even though I’m 25, I tell him that I started being Jewish 6 months ago.

LB: When was that?

Shmilly: Moishie Goldenberg from Boro Park gave me a Lazer Brody CD entitled “Hashem Loves Me.” My father would always yell at me and for years he told me that Hashem couldn’t stand me. I was convinced that Hashem couldn’t stand me. Who wants to be with someone that can’t stand you? No wonder I was in the street instead of in Yeshiva; my friends in the street always liked me. In the Yeshiva, my rebbes didn’t even try to hide the fact that they hated me.

LB: What goes on in Yeshiva?

Yossi: In Williamsburg and Monroe, it’s the iron hand. If you’re not 100% attentive, you get yelled at, dissed in front of all your friends, and even shlugged (slapped in Yiddish). Then when you get home – after the rebbe shlugged you, your father hits you and yells at you.

LB: C’mon, Yossi – you must be exaggerating.

Moish: No, he’s not, Reb Lazer! That’s the way it is – the molligetzeit chinuch (oldtime education methods in Yiddish). If you daydream instead of learning Tosephos, you get bruises to show for it.

Yitz: By us, you could do whatever you want just so long as you look the part and act the role. There are plenty of yungeleit with payis and shtreimels that hang out in bad places at night – use your imagination. Being born into it doesn’t mean you believe in it.

Shmilly: That’s why we like Breslev and especially Rav Shalom Arush so much. It’s all smiles and looking for your good points.

Yitz: Yeh, my father would shlug first and ask questions later. If he would have given me even one hug like I got from Rav Shalom, I would have never gone off the derech.

Moish: Rav Shalom hugged you, Yitz! He gave me two frasks (slaps in Yiddish) in the face, but his frasks have more love in them than somebody elses hugs and kisses. I think that’s what we were all missing as yeshiva kids – love.

Yossi: For sure. Maybe back in the old days, the iron hand was the way to teach, but today, it doesn’t work anymore. It just chases us away. Not only that, but my father used to threaten me about never opening Breslev books. Now I understand why. In the Chassidic group I was born in, they’ve hated Breslev for the last 200 years; you’re not allowed to keep Breslev books at home. (Chuckling) You know why? If any of them would read Rebbe Nachman’s teachings, their eyes would open and nobody would be left there.

LB: How many young people are there like you guys?

Shmilly: Off the derech or on the way back?

LB: Off the derech…

Yitz: Thousands.

Moish: Maybe more.

Shmilly: The tragedy of a sixteen or seventeen year old bochur (lad in Yiddish) falling off the derech is that he’s left with nothing. He becomes a delivery boy or a delinquent. If he’s lucky, he gets a job in a warehouse. We only learn Torah, we can barely speak English properly. It’s not easy.

LB: But you guys have great heads for Torah!

Shmilly: You see, Reb Lazer – you’re always saying words of encouragement! That’s why Rav Shalom and you are pulling us back. I wish that our cheder rebbes (elementary-school teachers) would learn the Breslev shita (system) of education. Today, we feel that Hashem loves us and that the Breslever rabbeim love us just the way we are! (passionately) Educate kids like that – with love and encouragement and without the yelling, the smacking, and the threats – and they’ll never go off the derech in a million years!

Shmilly said the secret of successful child education in a nutshell. The Breslev method is smiles, positive reinforcement, and azamra – looking for the child’s good points. Meanwhile, we’re thrilled to introduce you to the ever-increasing numbers of self-made Jews, may Hashem help them to succeed, amen!