Round Three

These days I feel like I am an unwilling participant in the infamous Running of the Bulls in Spain or the slightly less dangerous New York City Marathon. The challenges of life surround me like the thousands of people at either of these events, pushing and shoving me forward. Whether I like it or not, I have to move forward at their pace, or I risk getting trampled by Nike’s and frantic bull hooves.  On a really high-pressure day I feel like I am surrounded by a crowd of pushy people at the market who are all trying to reach the checkout aisle first, and I’m stuck in the middle of it, desperately gasping for air. Which of these three situations is the most dangerous? You decide.  As I once heard from a great Kabbalist, time, space, and motion are becoming more condensed as we move forward in our messianic era. Basically what it means is that Hashem is speeding up our process of correction so we don’t get left behind when we reach our goal of a renewed and ever-strengthening connection to Hashem. Sometimes I feel like I can’t catch my breath as I deal with my daily acute and chronic challenges.

However, there is a positive aspect to the whirlwind of life that we find ourselves in. Amidst the throngs of people pushing at us from every angle like a raging storm wave, there exists a life preserver for all of us to hold on to. That life preserver is just what we need to keep us afloat when we need stability and we’re just too tired to fight the madness. We can use it to help us regain our strength and our mental clarity. What life preserver am I referring to? The Ultimate Life Preserver, Hashem. Rabbi Brody relates a profound concept in many of his lessons. “No matter what is happening around you, by doing one hour of personal prayer a day, Rebbe Nachman promises that you will find your personal salvation,” he explains. This sounds nice, but what does it practically mean? Allow me to share with you a personal example.

This past Shabbat was one of my busiest yet. My husband and I hosted good friends of ours in our home- together we were 10 people in a 3-bedroom townhouse! Good times! It really was fun. Along with my usual 18-course Shabbat meals, we had some more friends stop over and spend the day with us on Saturday. I thrive on excitement and I love to play hostess, so I didn’t mind the exhaustion that I felt. Towards the end of Shabbat, my house was practically turned upside down with every toy strewn across the floor and the kids happily jumping on the couch as if I had just given them Red Bull. All of a sudden, a bell in my brain rings, and it’s the Yetzer Hara attacking my emuna. The fight begins:

Round One of my test: my second child doubles over on the floor, crying, “My tummy hurts!” Next thing I know, he’s throwing up all over the carpet! In shock from what has just happened, I try to move him away from it, and he throws up again.  I move him a few more feet, and he throws up again!

My biggest fear has come to life.

All of my past anxieties, all of my panic attacks, my racing heartbeat, and the feeling that I was going to faint from the stress of it all, were waiting in the corner of my mind to jump out and attack me. And do you know what happened?

NOTHING!!!

No racing heartbeat, no shallow breathing, no trying to calm myself down as I try to hold back tears laden with hysteria. And I wasn’t even the one who threw up! Poor kid. Five minutes later, he fell asleep on the couch. Okay, the test was over and I passed with flying colors!

Or so I thought….

Round Two of the test: Midnight. Exhausted after hosting half the neighborhood. Head just hit the pillow. Someone crying in the other room. Uh, oh. My Yosef has just thrown up water that he guzzled all over his bed. Oh, My, G-d!! Now the test has gone to the next level. Clearly I wasn’t getting off that easily. “It’s okay, don’t panic,” I scolded myself. I also asked Hashem to make this process as merciful and easy as possible. Good news, though- still no racing heartbeat, no sense of impending doom! I didn’t even have the desire to throw on my biohazard suit for protection! Not only that, I wasn’t driving myself crazy trying to rationalize or pinpoint exactly if this was a virus or just a reaction to something he ate! It was what it was, and that was the way Hashem wanted it. I even fell asleep with him lying next to me in my bed.  Thank God, the night passed without any more incidences.  Yes!! I passed!!

Or so I thought….

Round Three of the test?!! Two nights later. All kids sleeping in their rooms. Uh, oh, there’s  someone crying in the other room…it’s Yehuda, who has just thrown up all his dinner on his bed! “You’ve got to be kidding me!” I thought. “Okay, it’s no big deal,” I reminded myself. Afterwards, he seemed fine, and I put him next to me to sleep for the night. Thank God, the night passed without any more incidences. (The next morning I changed my pillowcases. I know, crazy.)

At this point I was okay with the fact that I might be getting some stomach bug. For me, this was a real milestone. Normally I would have suffered from self-imposed Post Traumatic Stress for the rest of the week! Of course, I’m nowhere near the level of actually asking for the tests. No, thank you, not for me. One step at a time.

I thank God I was exposed to Rav Arush’s teachings, because if not, I would have ended up a nervous, anxiety-ridden mother who inevitably would have passed on those traits to her kids. Not only did Rav Arush and Rav Brody save my life, they saved the lives of my children as well. I can never thank them enough. What I can do is share my experiences with you and hope that you take something positive from it. I hope that each of you reading this will not only be motivated to face your personal demons and overcome them, but you will also reach out to others to do the same. So what’s the main message of this article?

EMUNA WORKS!! PERSONAL PRAYER WORKS!! Even though we may feel like we’re talking with no one, Hashem really is with us, listening to every word. There is no surviving physically, mentally, or emotionally without it. Our world is getting crazier by the second- there is no running from or denying that Hashem is very much involved in our world and in our individual lives. So please, let’s all take another voluntary step closer to Him and let His Light enter our hearts and minds. We can all be winners in our own spiritual marathons- so get your sneakers on and GO!