Cure-all

Imagine this scene: it’s right after Shabbat. My dishes are piled so high they’re almost tipping over. Every toy in the house is strewn across the floor and maneuvering through it would require some advanced martial arts training. The laundry basket that was empty on Friday afternoon is now overflowing- and do you think any of it is mine? How could this happen in a mere twenty five hours? Is there some kind of time paradox where I see everything happening in real time, but it’s actually happening at warp speed? So far this is my best theory.  As I survey the damage and debate whether I am going to tackle this monumental mess or run out the door, I eventually decide to stay. With a heavy sigh, I begin my Saturday night fun- on to the dishes…

The point is not to describe to you what my house looks like after Shabbat. It is to help you understand the burden I feel when I know that only I will accomplish these tasks with little or no help. Ladies, I know you can empathize.  As I do the dishes, my husband is supposedly doing “important stuff” on his Blackberry.  After trudging up the stairs for the hundredth time with my baby in my arms and finally getting my kids to sleep, I am relieved to have some time to reflect on the day. During my time of talking to my Best Friend, I asked Him to share with me an inspiring thought. Well, Hashem is always listening, and about a minute later I got it.

Ladies and gentlemen, I am about to present to you, directly from Rav Arush, the cure-all to any situation…..drumroll please- “Thank You”. That’s it? Yes, that’s it. Let me explain. Take note, husbands- when I was doing dishes, do you know what would have instantly eased my mental burden and given me a burst of energy? Not, “I love you”, but “Thank you, honey, for doing the dishes. I really appreciate everything you do for the family.” Wow, if I were to hear that, I think I might turn into SuperMom, who can clean up the entire house in 20 minutes or less (or your money back, guaranteed). But seriously, doesn’t it feel wonderful when we know we are appreciated? Now, to be clear, “I love you” is a great thing to say to your spouse, and you should say it often. However, my husband telling me he loves me isn’t going to have the same effect on me at that moment as him thanking me. Why not? Because telling someone you love them is nice, but it is an abstract notion. When you thank someone for something, you are bringing that love to a more tangible level. Men, if you want your wives to fall in love with you all over again, trust me, this is one of the best ways. Ladies, if you want your husbands to be more romantic and attentive to you, thank them for all that they do as well.

Recently, I have been fortunate to hear Rabbi Brody speak. He mentioned a story of two best friends, and one of them told the other one he loved him. The second friend answered, “Then do you know what I need?” This concept of thank you goes along the same lines. Thanking someone is giving them what they need at the moment they gave you something. It is your way of instantly reciprocating for what they gave you. This makes the cycle of giving continuous. Apply this to any situation in your life and you will see amazing results. All of a sudden, people will be more than happy to do things for you, even your boss. Even your kids will be more willing to clean up their toys if you give them a big hug and a thank you.

Let’s take this concept to the next level. Rav Arush explains that when we show gratitude to The Creator, we bring tremendous blessings to ourselves in all areas of our lives. Just like we are happy to do more for others when they thank us, Hashem is infinitely more happy to do the same for us when we thank Him. Even in a trying situation, say thank you. Hashem wants us to appreciate every blessing we have. He doesn’t want us to be like spoiled children who don’t appreciate anything. We don’t want our kids to be that way, so why are we?

 So, if you have a good relationship, make it great by saying thank you. If you have a difficult relationship with someone, heal it by saying thank you. Even in the most strained relationships a person can find many times when the other partner did so much for them. If you are a husband who is suffering from “Angry-Nagging Wife Syndrome”, chances are you haven’t thanked her in a while. Not one day passes that she doesn’t do amazing favors for you. Grab a wad of tissues, take her aside, and genuinely thank her for all that she does each day. Be prepared for her not-so-repressed anger and resentment to flow to the surface; this is where the tissues come in handy. Don’t worry, though- this is a great thing. You’ve just succeeded in breaking down the wall that was between the two of you.  And if you want to have the best relationship with your Father Who loves you more than anything, say thank you to Him, too. You will begin to see incredible changes in your life.

The best thing about saying thank you is the more you give thanks, the more you become thankful, and soon you will appreciate every little detail in your life. The cycle of thanks will be bigger and better each day, and so will your level of happiness and contentment.  Then, get ready to experience your life like a heaven on earth.