Initiation

Warriors of Transcendence, Part 44

The ninth day:

 
“Tzalaii,” I whisper with my eyes closed. “My dear friend, Tzalaii…”

A great darkness covers the earth. Tzalaii does not answer me, but the sense of his presence imbues me with confidence even in the heavy darkness. I am sitting on a wooden bench in the deepest darkness.  Only the distant sounds of the woodland birds provide a clue to my location, it is so dark!

“Tzalaii,” I call out.

Distant echoes reply: “Tzalaii…Tzalaii…Tzalaii…”
 
I hear the rush of the treetops swaying in the wind, instilling fear in my heart. What am I to do here?

“Be calm,” whispers a voice at my left.
 
I breathe a sigh of relief as I turn towards the voice, but I am only able to see a faint outline.
 
“Look,” he whispers in his usual way, and directs my gaze forward.

Very far off, in the distance, I now notice small, faint lights, the lights of a city. I concentrate my gaze upon the distant lights. To my surprise, the more I look, the closer they become.  I regain my confidence as I began to sense that I am about to learn something new today, something more beautiful than I had ever learned before. When I approach the lights, I notice that they are in fact thin, white candles. Their flames flicker as though they will be extinguished in a moment.
 
“Tzalaii,” I call again.
 
“I am with you, always,” whispers Tzalaii.

Next to him, I notice a being of short stature. I suppose that it is the boy who had been with us in the boat. He advances and takes my hand. All at once I recall the warmth transferred to me through his hands the last time he touched me. Now, too, his touch imbued me with hope.
 
Now you may enter,” says the boy pleasantly, indicating the flickering flames.
 
“Enter?” I ponder the meaning of this in my mind, “but where?”

One flame, brighter than the others, catches my eye. I fix my gaze upon it, and its light begins to grow immensely. I am able to see many shades of various colors inside. Purples and blues blaze and ascend and strings of white light curl and shine, greens twinkle and flicker within the fire. I watch the colors, transfixed. Deep inside I now see the deep, black, worrying darkness again.
 
“Look inside,” whispers Tzalaii, still at my side.
 
“Into the darkness?”
 
“Inside,” he repeats.

Encouraged by the presence of Tzalaii and the Master of Transcendence, I gaze into the blackness within the light. The colorful outline disappears, and I find myself again in an icy world, where the wind scatters fallen branches, and I feel threatened by the terror of what is to come. I focus my gaze as well as I can, and manage to notice a fine flame inside of the blackness. Its beauty is astounding beyond words. It consists of all the colors and they glow and manifest themselves with such sharp clarity, beyond anything I could have ever imagined. Changing, shimmering colors, bringing joy and carefree laughter, like children at play. These are the colors of total, eternal liberation, with not even a hint of darkness and fear. I look even deeper and notice how, amidst the dancing flame, the colors transform into the petals of an opening flower, retreating from the heart of the fire, exposing a white light in its midst. I look into the center of the light and see a newborn baby! His hair is fair, his eyes are clear and a blue flame is visible through his transparent body. The scene is so beautiful, I begin to cry. I am overwhelmed and want to open my eyes.
 
“Wait!” whispers Tzalaii. 

“You must first understand what you have seen.”
 
“Few people merit to witness such a wondrous event,” whispers the Master of Transcendence. “The birth of a Transparent One!” 
 
“Was all of this born inside of me?” I ask. 

The Master of Transcendence nods, a smile illuminates his face, “Inside each and every one of my men.”

I open my eyes. 

The tenth day:
 
“Is this where it all ends?” I ask Tzalaii despondently.

“No, this is where it all begins,” he answers with a smile. 

He sits upon a great cliff, like the first time, dressed in a golden cloak and gazes at the sea, spread out into the distance. A light breeze is blowing. Everything is a deep blue- the sky and the sea, and even his cloak. I sit by him silently. Tzalaii gazes at me expectantly, and then I hear myself involuntarily intoning words of an unknown origin: “Teach me how to cry!”
 
Why is he smiling?
 
His smile seems to say: “You’ve got it.  You finally understand!”
 
Arising and removing his musical instrument from his cloak, he looks at me and asks: “Are you ready?”
 
I nod.
 
Tzalaii plucks a string gently, sounding a single note. The sound reaches ancient, locked gates within me, breaking through them all at once and melting blocked pieces of stone inside. I cry. Not a usual cry, but a deep cry of immense yearning, a cry that makes my entire body tremble uncontrollably. A cry that cleans and purifies, removing that which is extraneous, unnecessary.  I am unable to stop crying!   Fortunately the music comes to an end, or I would surely be lost for all of eternity in a nameless world.  As my cries wane and weaken, they become powerless, like something discarded. I search inside of myself and sense that I have achieved a child-like clarity.  A thin thread of joy is present, delicate but promising, like the transparent baby that was born in the flower of fire.
 
“Look,” says Tzalaii, and I know this will be the last time I will hear these words.
 
In the distance, in the heart of the ocean, something is happening. It seems like a battle among large sea animals is taking place beneath the surface. I am curious to discover the meaning of this, but I cannot see enough. 
 
“This is the dance of the waves,” says Tzalaii.
 
But I still don’t understand. 
 
“They are getting ready”, he adds. “When you cry with all of your might,” he says sadly, “you express the cries of the flames that have yet to burn, and the longing of the fire flowers that have yet to bloom, and the desires of the Transparent Ones that have yet to be born.”
 
His voice begins to tremble, but also fills with fury: “and the deep pain of the prisoners.”
 
“The tears are collected,” he said suddenly pointing towards the sea. He arises, stands on the cliff and calls out, as though to unseen listeners: “Your time has not yet arrived. Transcend! Transcend until the great day arrives! Soar and ascend and our tears, too, shall come to your aid.”
 
For a passing moment, I recall the stone I had removed from the outer wall. Is it just my imagination, or do I really see a similar crimson-yellow glimmer in the depths of the sea?
 
“You have seen very well”.
 
Tzalaii turns to me and we embrace.
 
“Cry!” says my guide to life. “And wait for the day when your ears will hear other sounds.”
 
I open my eyes and know: My Initiation training is complete.                                       
              
To be continued.
 

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