Get Tough, or Not?
Yossi’s wife wanted out – unconditionally. He listened to Rabbi Arush’s advice, and things got better. Then he decided to consult someone else...
Dear Rabbi Brody,
As you might remember, my wife asked for divorce 10 weeks ago ”definitive” and “no doubts” – that was right before Rosh Hashanah, and you told me to read The Garden of Peace with a few other suggestions.
Thank G-d, there has been big change in the last four weeks, and she’s gone from “sure divorce” to not sure that it’s the right decision (we have 6 children).
I consulted a recommended Rabbi and I mentioned that she insults me and expresses her hatred pretty often. This Rabbi is telling me that next time she does so, I should tell her to leave the house. He also said that I shouldn’t be getting all this hatred in front of the kids.I don’t want to make a mistake – eight lives are at stake here. Should I listen to him or not?
Also, what should I do about her extreme lack of modesty? Please advise. Thanks a lot, Yossi from Florida
Dear Yossi,
If you want to save the marriage, then you have to listen to what’s written in the Garden of Peace as I have already advised you. If you go around asking opinions from different rabbis, you’ll become totally confused. Furthermore, I can only take any responsibility for the advice I give you. By your own admission, the hopeless situation of a “sure” divorce has already softened into a “not sure” divorce. You’ve made progress, so why don’t you continue? Why ruin things by departing from Rav Shalom Arush’s winning methods that have already saved thousands of marriages?
I don’t agree at all with the advice you have been given. This other rabbi is putting you on a collision course with your wife. Do what he says, and you’ll definitely wreck your marriage once and for all.
You must decide which rabbi you’ll listen to. You can’t have two coaches. But, don’t cry to Coach A when you the advice of Coach B. Decide who your rabbi and spiritual guide is, and stick with him.
Your wife is not modest because you represent observant Judaism and she is mad at you, therefore she’s rebelling against Judaism. But if you’re smart, you would treat her like a queen with no preconditions and when she yells at you, even in front of the kids, you shouldn’t say a word; just smile back at her. If she calls you insulting names like “stupid” and whatnot, agree with her and tell her that you will do your utmost to change. That diffuses the argument and the verbal attack very fast. Just like she has turned around in the last few weeks, she will continue to do so if you listen to our advice. If you want to be a tough guy and put your foot down with her, don’t expect to stay married. Six kids and a broken home is no picnic. It’s your choice.
Blessings, LB
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