My Wife, the Creditor
One must never talk of thrift measures in front of his wife. He must comfort her and promise to happily and sincerely fulfill all her wishes and needs…
The Garden of Riches, Part 17
Rebbe Nachman said (Sichot HaRan, 122), “Everyone has needs, even the wealthy, but all must make do with what they have at the present time. A person who requires an item of clothing for himself, his wife, or his household should wait for the appropriate time, and not rush out and borrow money. This is so even for food but even more so for clothing, apartments etc. The bottom line is never become a debtor, except to himself, and certainly not to the grocer or any other person. In all matters of money patience is required, awaiting an opportune time as it is written, “The eyes of all look to You with hope and You give them their food in its proper time” (Psalms 145:15).
The above statement that it is better to become a debtor to himself or his household than to the grocer and so forth does not absolve a person from his duty towards his dependents and should not be used as an excuse to shirk responsibility. He should relate to these debts in all seriousness as real and actual debts. Debts to his wife should always outweigh all others especially those to himself.
In-order to repay the debts due to his wife he should carry a small notebook. This notebook should be kept personal and secret even from his wife and in it he should write “I hereby make note of all debts due to my household”. Anytime he has a need that exceeds his ability especially where his wife is concerned, he should make a note of it as a debt. He should then proceed to do his utmost with prayers and any necessary actions without laziness until he is able to provide his wife’s needs.
Although one must be patient and not rush into debt under any circumstances training himself constantly to think clearly on this manner, he must never talk of thrift measures in front of his wife. He must comfort her and promise to happily and sincerely fulfill her wishes and needs. He must keep the promises made to his primary creditor, his wife, as he vowed to her on her wedding day.
There seems to be contradiction. How can a man with no or limited means fulfill his obligations to his wife? Our Sages have said “he should honor his wife beyond his means;” how is that possible? When a man truly wishes to fulfill his obligation then Hashem assists him and provides him with the ability! It is Hashem Himself who commanded the man to honor his wife beyond his means, and will surely provide the tools with which to do so.
It’s a tried and tested fact that when a person fulfills his obligations in innocence and simplicity, from deep in his heart, believing in the will of Hashem he is seen to succeed in making his wife happy! Not only is there nothing lacking but the gates of abundant livelihood open before him all due to his honoring his wife.
When his wife requires an article of clothing he should write in his notebook: “I am in debt to my wife for such an article! I must repay the debt whatever happens!” If a fridge needs replacing he should write “I need a fridge for the house! I will not rest or be silent until I get one!” And so on in all things he lacks the means to buy. He takes upon himself the obligations without laziness and does his utmost to provide. It goes without saying that he should ask from He who owns the bankroll through his prayers for His help, and do everything he can physically to reach his goal. And when Hashem gives him the money he should purchase what is needed and erase the item from his list. For those items that Hashem has not yet given him the ability to provide, he should redouble his energy in prayer and action until they too are fulfilled. Until then he still has his notebook…As previously stated these debts are real, no less than those to strangers with one major difference. There are now no external creditors pressing at the door, no court proceedings, arguments or interest payments and no further impediment to teshuva. His wife will also not press him as she will realize that he is sincere in his wish to fulfill his obligations, and will strengthen and comfort him in all his endeavors.
People who have taken the advice to heart have seen how their lists of debts have decreased, and how Hashem provides for their needs at the appropriate time. Everyone should ask himself which debt notebook they would like: His own notebook with peace of mind and the ability to repay, or that of a creditor coupled with a lot of stress and anguish?
To be continued.
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