A Vessel for Divine Blessing
Everyone regarded the husband as a model of virtue, but in private, he was a beast. He constantly degraded his wife. Little did he know what that cost him…
The Garden of Bliss, Part 8
The first foundation for happiness and success in our lives is peace in the home.
Our Sages write, “The Holy One, blessed be He, could not find a better receptacle for containing the blessing [He gives] to Israel other than peace” (Massechteh Uktzin 3). We see from our Sages’ words that that peace in the home is one of the main conditions for achieving Hashem’s blessing. Only through domestic harmony can a person attain Hashem’s blessing. A person who is having marital difficulties sees no blessing whatsoever in all his endeavors.
A couple once came to me for advice. They were both highly respected, prestigious members of the community who both held well-paying professional positions. I am positive that many people would be jealous of their success.
When the woman began describing her suffering I was shocked! Her respected husband, whom everyone viewed as a model of virtue, was a beast in the privacy of his own home. She told me how he constantly degraded and criticized her. She described how he constantly put her down and found ways to show his superiority. The situation was so bad that she actually preferred ending her life to continuing to live like that.
All of their so-called wealth was just a facade. They were drowning in debt and living on credit from the bank. The bank interest was eating up most of their pay checks.
With tears in her eyes, the woman begged me, “Please, please, please help me. I have no one to turn to whom I can tell the truth. My husband is a well known and respected individual and I certainly don’t want to do anything to disgrace him or cause him embarrassment. I am sure that people will never believe the way my husband, that ‘fine, good-hearted and upright individual’, behaves. Yet I cannot continue living like this. There is no blessing in my life; it seems as if every day something else is ruined. One day the car broke down and needed major repairs, another day the refrigerator burned out and had to be replaced. Any money that we have left over after covering our debts is used to pay for these unexpected expenses.”
What was the source of this couple’s misery? Why, with such a large income, were they living on credit?
The reason is simple. When a husband does not respect his wife, there is no peace in the home. Peace is the only vessel worthy of containing Hashem’s abundant blessing! The husband in the above story did not respect his wife, and therefore, peace was lacking in the home. Without peace in the home, there is no vessel to contain Divine blessing.
There are couples whose incomes are less a tenth of what this couple was making, yet they do not lack a thing! They do not encounter unexpected expenses – their refrigerators work for years, their cars don’t need a major overhaul. They are not living on credit, and they are satisfied with what they have. What is their secret?
When a husband respects his wife, peace prevails in the home. As a result of that peace, the family is a worthy vessel for receiving Hashem’s blessing. A home where there is peace between husband and wife is a home that is blessed.
“A man must always be careful to respect his wife, since the wife is the sole reason for a blessing in the home” (Yalkut Shimoni, Lech Lecha).
This seems to contradict what we learned before, that peace is the only vessel for Hashem’s blessing. Is peace the only receptacle for Hashem’s blessing, or does Hashem’s blessing depend on respecting one’s wife? What is the source of Divine blessing, peace or respecting one’s wife?
There is no contradiction between respecting one’s wife and peace. Our Sages write that peace is the vessel for Hashem’s. What type of peace are the Sages referring to? To peace in the home – domestic harmony. How does one attain peace in the home? The key to domestic harmony is respecting one’s wife.
To learn more about how to respect your wife, see Rabbi Shalom Arush’s acclaimed marital guide for men, The Garden of Peace.
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