Guidelines for Working Wives
Many marital complications sprout from a seed of indiscretion at the working wife's workplace. Here are some vital guidelines to protect women who work outside the home.
Dear Rabbi Brody,
First of all I want to let you know that I really enjoy your gorgeous Breslev Israel website – it brightens my life. Please thank everyone involved in it.
I am the receptionist at a large office of professionals. My husband and I have been in question about my workplace and I am not sure what I should do. There is a lot of gossip and casual chat. My husband, and rightfully so, sometimes feels that I should be less talkative with my men coworkers. I try to keep the chatting to a minimum and don’t start conversations with the men but as the receptionist, everyone sees me first and when everyone comes in they tell me where they are going and why and when and so on…. and as far as I can see it is just friendly and casual talk, especially since most of them are frum (religious – LB). My husband says I’m naive and he’s not so convinced that everybody’s intentions are honorable. How can I handle this without being rude and doing the right thing?
Thank you, Working Wife in New York
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Dear Working Wife,
Many husbands accuse me of siding with the wives, but this time, your husband’s apprehensions are more than justified. Unfortunately, I’ve witnessed heartbreaking tragedies and broken homes with devastating effects on innocent family members that sprouted from a seed of indiscreet intimacy at the working wife’s workplace.
An entire book is what’s really needed to properly answer your question. Nevertheless, for first aid in the battlefield, here are some vital guidelines designed in protecting the working wife and her marriage. The more you conform to these guidelines, the more you’ll invoke siata d’shmaya, or divine blessing and assistance, in everything you do.
1. To answer your question, your speech should be courteous and polite, but formal and official. Never call a man by his first name, and don’t inquire about his life. Substitute “How are you, Sam?” for “How may I assist you, Mr. Stein”. Keep the verbal exchange to a bare minimum that’s required in your work as the receptionist.
2. Every woman likes to make a snazzy appearance in public. But, when you keep your dress and makeup modest, you move up the ladder and become distinguished, which is much more class than simply being snazzy. Men have an instinctive respect of a woman with class – not even a crass idiot would come on to woman of true royalty, because women of true royalty wouldn’t be caught dead in a short skirt or a low-cut blouse. They wear tailored suits with a high-collared blouse, and a minimum of makeup. Remember, you too are royalty – you are the King’s daughter and you’re married to a prince. Please, don’t cheapen yourself to attract cheap attention.
3. If your female coworkers dress immodestly or use crass language, find yourself a new job. The bad apples in the crate spoil the good ones. Even a bride in a lily-white gown smells terrible if she walks through a cow shed.
4. Be very careful in your relationship with your boss. Don’t tell him your personal problems and don’t listen to his. This is imperative, since many men take advantage of female employees. The minute your boss gets an eye wink out of line, inform him that you are the female kick-boxing champion of Boro Park, and your husband is 6’5″, jealous, and he eats 3-lb. rib steaks for breakfast. If that doesn’t deter your boss, resign.
5. Put a copy of “Guard Your Tongue” with a picture of the Chofetz Chaim on your desk. Even somebody with excessive cheekiness is embarrassed to misbehave while looking at a picture of the Chofetz Chaim. Also, instead of taking part in idle chat, learn two halachot (laws) from the Chofetz Chaim – that’s superb body language to express that you’re not interested in small talk, and certainly not rudeness.6. During your coffee and lunch breaks, call your husband. It’s wonderful to speak to each other during the day, brings you closer to each other, and keeps your mind focused on him.
The above six guidelines work fine in a wholesome atmosphere with wholesome people. If your work involves repeated contact with unwholesome coworkers or clients, then for the sake of your marriage and your own spiritual purity, pack up and leave.
To paraphrase the priestly blessing, may Hashem give you the aura of our ancestral mothers – Sarah, Rebecca, Rachel, and Leah. G-d bless and good luck, with an inscription for you and yours in the Book of Life for a wonderful New Year 5769. With best wishes, LB
2/05/2012
modest dress works wonders I have noticed an unbelievable difference in how men treat me since I started to dress modestly. I have had building workers in my complex for months and not ONCE have any of them been anything other than respectful. They DIVE out of my way when I pass. I took this for granted until I employed a non-religious house-helper ( somewhat moderately covered, as requested). What a difference a head covering makes! The energy is tense with her entry and exit. I remember those days. I don't miss them!
2/05/2012
I have noticed an unbelievable difference in how men treat me since I started to dress modestly. I have had building workers in my complex for months and not ONCE have any of them been anything other than respectful. They DIVE out of my way when I pass. I took this for granted until I employed a non-religious house-helper ( somewhat moderately covered, as requested). What a difference a head covering makes! The energy is tense with her entry and exit. I remember those days. I don't miss them!