The Power of Love
There was an eerie silence in the Polish orphanage. Suddenly, the Rebbe yelled from the depths of his soul, “Shma Yisroel, Hashem Elokenu Hashem Echad!”
Translated by Rabbi Lazer Brody
Education with Love, Part 3
Imagine this familiar scenario: Mom is in the kitchen, and her 18-month old toddler is crawling around in the kitchen, opening every drawer and pantry door. The little tike is behaving exactly like a curious, energetic, and probing little 18-month old toddler should act. Yet, mama is yelling, "don't touch this," and "don't touch that!" This is dangerous, or get out of here, etc. Every time the little guy is yelled out, his tender little soul is bruised once more. He'll grow up to disdain his mother and not listen to her altogether. Rather than all the yelling, she should put things that she doesn't want the baby to touch out of reach, or put latches on her kitchen doors and lock them. Smart parents keep a special drawer or pantry door unlocked, with safe things that the baby can play with. There's no reason to yell and criticize, especially when a small toddler can't restrain himself from his natural urge to seek and probe. Why stifle and kill the child's natural curiousity, which is so vital to his or her learning and future intellectual and emotional development?
When children hear criticism after criticism, or the the brunts of parental yelling, they quickly lose their self-confidence. Just as the parents find fault in everything they do, such children will grow up with low self-images and little self-confidence. They'll be defensive, they'll have difficulty learning, and down the road will have big problems holding a job or a successful marriage. In so much of my marriage counseling, dysfunctional partners can be traced to tyrannical and critical parents. So many people with financial and job problems can also be traced to tyrannical and critical parents. They children grow up nervous and unconfident in a tough world that demands calm, self-composure, and a strong measure of self confidence to succeed.
We have to avoid situations of criticism yelling and threatening at home. Here's another familiar scenario: It's 7:30 pm, the parents are tired, and they badly want some peace and quiet in the house. They put their 3 little children to bed, ages 3, 5, and 7 let's say, and turn off the lights. The children aren't tired, so they start chattering. The parents yell from the living room, or threaten the children. The kids have no intention of being misbehaved or bad, as the parents accuse them, they're just not sleepy. Rather than yelling, screaming, and threatening, take a nice children's book, sit on their bed, tell them a story, tuck them in, recite the Shma with them. Magically, by the time you finish saying Shma Yisroel, you'll see how drowsy the children are. They fall asleep in love and holiness, rather than entering a nightmarish night after a day of parental tyranny and criticism.
You can't imagine the power of educating children with love; the love is engrained on their souls forever. This is especially true with parents that tuck their children in bed and say the Shma with them every night, and I'm talking about from day one all the way to bar and bat mitzvah. Here's one of the most moving stories that I ever heard, first hand from a holocaust survivor:
At the end of the holocaust in late 1945, the holy Skulener Rebbe was one of the few survivors. After the allies liberated the concentration camps, the Skulener Rebbe went all over Poland looking for homeless and orphaned Jewish children that had been meanwhile been raised in Catholic orphanages. Accompanied by two American officers, he entered one such orphanage, and told the attending priests that he was looking for orphaned Jewish children. The two priests smirked, and answered snidely that they don't have any Jews among the 250 orphans that were packed in the overcrowded orphanage. It was about 9 pm in the evening, and the orphans, most of whom were between the ages of 6 and 12, had just gone to bed. They were all housed in one big crowded room with metal bunk beds. The Skulener Rebbe demanded to see the children, but the priests refused. One of the American officers pulled out a Smith and Wesson .45 Caliber pistol, the kind that Amerivan tank commanders wear, and said to the priest, "Do as the rabbi says!" With no choice, the priests took the Rebbe into the big dormitory hall, and the rebbe ordered them to turn out the lights. Again, the priests stammered and protested, but the American officer shut them up and made them obey.
They turned off the lights, and for a moment, there was an eerie silence. All of a sudden, the Rebbe yelled from the depths of his holy soul, "Shma Yisroel, Hashem Elokenu Hashem Echad…"
Children started rustling in their beds; some began to whimper and the whimper turned into a wail. One by one, they started crying out, "Mama, mama!" The Rebbe's Shma triggered memories of their mama sitting on their beds and tucking them in. The rebbe quickly turned on the lights, and darted from bed to bed identifying the Jewish children that were yelling mama. One of these children, who was eight at the time, is now a 71-year old retired man that lives in Ashdod. This is the power of education with love, of education with holiness. Long after the parents were murdered in the gas chambers, their loving influence still served as a beacon of bright light to lead their children on the right path.
To be continued, G-d willing…
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