Ups and Downs

 

 

 

 

Our world is a place of constant change. And so, as part of this world, we must learn to accept the basic terms of creation – at times to be up and at times down. A person who denies this truth, who desires a life that is always up, is denying the very basis of creation, and in this lies the cause of most of our troubles and disappointments in avodat Hashem.

 

It is important to know that just as our souls descend into this world to fulfill a unique and exalted purpose, so too, every "descent" that we experience, such as apathy or despair, serves a unique and exalted purpose. A person must encounter just such a difficulty, at just such a time, yet continue to affirm his faith in God.

 

There is a famous story in the Talmud about a gentile who came to Shammai the Elder and asked to be converted to Judaism – on the condition that he be taught the entire Torah while standing on one foot! Shammai chased him away with a builder’s rod. Subequently, he went to Hillel, who agreed to his request.

 

The Maggid of Mezritch explains this incident in a way that reflects what we have said. That gentile wanted to become a Jew, but only if he could do so without having to experience life’s ups and downs, He wanted to stand perpetually "on one foot," as it were, with none of the low points. By chasing him away with the builder’s rod, Shammai was hinting to him that this is not the structure of creation. We descend into this world to build and repair. We must experience ups and downs as an integral part of God’s plan. If the convert couldn’t concede to this, if he couldn’t agree to the terms of creation, then there was no reason to accept him, and so Shammai pushed him away.

 

When this gentile came to Hillel with the same request, to live a life without setbacks, Hillel answered him, "What you hate, do not do to your friend." (Love your neighbor as yourself – Rashi) Really, Hillel was the same opinion as Shammai; that in this world a person must endure the downswings, but he answered the gentile in a way that the latter would understand and, in doing so, he revealed to him one of the great benefits found precisely in the low times.

 

When a person falls to a low level, yet manages to overcome his negativity and affirm his faith in God, he can redeem some crushed and oppressed soul that has been lost in the very same forsaken place he himself has reached in his moment of despair. His own affirmation actually lifts up the other one. "You yourself have a holy soul," argued Hillel, "but because of the sin of the Tree of Knowledge, and the scattering of souls that resulted, or perhaps because of the transgressions committed afterwards, you fell and became trapped in the guise of a non-Jew. Why have you suddenly become interested in reuniting with God’s people? Because some Jew, in a moment of apathy and despair, reached that very same level that you were on. Nevertheless, he affirmed God’s presence even there, and through his effort, you became motivated to come and seek shelter in the God of Israel. So now it’s your turn to fulfill the verse, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself,’ and ‘What you hate, do not do to your friend.’ If that Jew went all the way down for your sake, why aren’t you ready to go through the same setbacks for the sake of your friends?"

 

I saw this similar idea in an explanation of the verse: "And Avram took Sarai, his wife, and Lot, his nephew, and all the possessions he had acquired and the souls he had made in Charan" (Bereishit 12:5). "Souls he had made," really means souls he had repaired. Charan means charon af, God’s wrath that is manifest in times of difficulty. By overcoming the tests that God had sent him, Avraham repaired many, many souls that were sunk in the depths of impurity.

 

I also saw a similar explanation on the verse: "Today I am one hundred and twenty years old. I can no longer go out and come in" (Devarim 31:2). Moshe (Moses) was explaining that he had entered into a state of such perfect union with God that he no longer experienced ups and downs. Therefore, his job in this world was finished.

However, it is not enough to merely accept the downswings as a part of life; we must come to appreciate them as our greatest opportunity for growth in avodat Hashem.

 

In Likutey Moharan, Rebbe Nachman explains that God’s presence is hidden within all aspects of creation, because without Him, nothing in the world could exist. This is why God spoke to Moshe from within the burning bush; to teach us that there is no place devoid of Him, not even a thornbush. God’s presence is manifested in the world by means of the letters of Torah that are found in all things. These letters give life to creation, as the verse says, "Forever, O God, Your word stands firm in the heavens" (Tehillim 119:89). But when a person sins, he obscures these letters. Even worse, he rearranges their order to spell words that contradict the truth. KeSHeR – a connection with God – is transformed to SHeKeR – falsity, and Pe’ER – beauty – turns to ashes – EpheR. But when a person realizes that even the concealment is from God and that He is found everywhere, the evil simply disappears and the letters of Torah come together in positive combinations and shine with a renewed light. The person then perceives brilliant new revelations of God’s unity; for the sparks of Torah and holiness that were hidden in the darkness have been redeemed.

 

“The trumpet blast (teru’at) of the King (Melech) is with him (bo)” (Bamidbar 23:21). The word teru’at, trumpet blast, also means to “break,” as in “Break them (tero’em) with a rod of iron” (Tehillim 2:9). When we break all the lies that deny God’s existence, then we find “Melech bo,” the King in them. God can be found in the disbelief itself. (Sichos HaRan 102)

 

When Moshe went up to Heaven to receive the Torah, he found God sitting and binding crowns to the letters of the Torah. Moshe said to Him, “Master of the World, must You add to the letters?” God answered, “After many generations, a certain man will come – Akiva ben Yosef is his name-and he will derive myriads of halachot from each point of these crowns.” (Menochot 29b)

 

The holy Tanna, Rabbi Akiva, was the son of converts. According to Kabbalah, his soul was drawn from the darkest recesses of creation. How much he must have suffered, and how many obstacles he must have overcome, until he was able to perceive God’s light. But it was precisely by overcoming these very difficulties that he was able to derive myriads of halachot from the crowns of the letters in the Sefer Torah. From every point, that is, from every painful and stabbing point that he felt as he struggled with the evil in his soul, he was ultimately able to derive halachot –Torah revelations redeemed from the very darkness itself.

   

In a similar vein, the Talmud tells us the story of four great sages who entered the Pardes, the “Heavenly Orchard” of mystical experience.¹⁰ Ben Azai gazed too long and died, Ben Zoma went mad. Elisha ben Abuyah became a heretic, and was subsequently known as Acher-Other. Only Rabbi Akiva entered and came out unharmed. Although by then Rabbi Akiva had reached the peak of his greatness, it was only his simple, unsophisticated faith in the unity of God:“I held Him and would not let Him go” (Shir Hashirim 3:4)- that saved him. He remained true to himself, and came out whole and in peace.

  

On the other hand, Acher’s mistake, according to the Talmud, was that during his mystical ascent he had a vision of the angel Metatron, and mistakenly assumed this to be an autonomous heavenly power.¹¹ This lead him to “cut the plantings of the Heavenly Orchard,” in the words of the Sages. He severed the awesome greatness of Metatron from the Holy One, the Source of life. Of course, Metatron’s entire power is derived only from God, and he could not accomplish the slightest deed if God were not sustaining and acting through him.

 

Now, undoubtedly, Rabbi Akiva also experienced such a vision of Metatron. He also must have encountered the same awesome challenge. But, because he clung to his belief in God’s complete and absolute unity with all his soul and with the utmost simplicity, instead of falling, he came to a revelation and understanding of one of God’s holy Names. The Talmud states that after this episode, Rabbi Akiva had a profound insight into the holy Name “Tzvaot.”  This he understood to mean: Tzva-Host, Ot-sign. That is, “A sign among His hosts.” For if this one angel from the lower world of Yetzirah is so absolutely great, and he being only one of the King’s servants, how much greater must the King be Himself.

 

We see that the very test that brought about the downfall of Acher enabled Rabbi Akiva to achieve the loftiest vision of his Creator. This is just as we said before – from every difficulty in life, he knew how to derive myriads of halachot, and from every challenge, new insights into Torah and avodat HaShem.

We can now understand another statement of Rabbi Akiva. “When I was an am ha’aretz, an uneducated peasant, had I gotten my hands on a Torah scholar, I would have bitten him like a donkey.”¹² This deep hatred of the Sages was a blemish on his soul, yet when he finally reached his high level, he so perceived their true greatness that he could expound, “The redundant word ‘et’ (את ) in the verse, ‘You shall fear-et-the Lord, your God’ (Devarim 6:13), alludes to Torah scholars, whom one should fear like the Holy One Himself.” ¹³ Once again, in the very area he had been most deficient; Rabbi Akiva achieved the greatest clarity and insight.

 

 

Here, then, lies the special benefits hidden precisely in times of darkness. Only if a person can hold on to himself and not completely fall in the moment of despair will his own precious and unique potential be revealed – potential that was hidden as long as things were going well. Only if he can fulfill the verse, ”I held Him and would not let Him go,” that is, not abandon his Creator, God forbid, even in difficult times, will he truly be able to draw close to God and excel in His Torah and avodah.

 

It is written in Likutey Moharan: “When a person rises from one level to the next, he must pass through various fantasies of the mind to reach the point of holiness. As soon as he begins to climb to the next level, the obstacles of that level awake and surround him, and he must subdue them again as he did at first. But the truth is, this is not a fall at all.”¹⁴

   

We see that by means of the fall, the subsequent ascent is being prepared. This is like digging the foundations of a building. First one must go deep into the earth; only afterwards can the structure rise in all its beauty.

        
The Sfas Emes makes a similar comment on the verse from Psalms: “I will exalt you, God, because You uplifted me” (Tehillim 30:2): "The Radak explains that the root of the word ‘uplift’- dal-(דל)can either imply  humility (dal-destitute), or greatness (dolah-to raise up). Likewise, all the exiles the Jewish people ever experienced were only to raise them up and to redeem the sparks of holiness that had been dispersed. Another verse says, ‘I was low-dalosi-and He delivered me’ (Tehillim 116:6), meaning to say, a person falls low only to find deliverance. This is like a bucket-d’li – that descends into a well to bring up fresh water. So too, God lowered the souls of Israel into this world to draw up water from the deep places. There are always ups and downs in life, yet, the fall is always for the sake of the rise. Thus it is written: ‘In the night I lie down and cry, and in the morning I sing. You removed my sackcloth and girded me with joy’ (Tehillim 30:6). Before the lights of holiness have been separated from the darkness, they are in a condition called night.¹⁵ But when God’s presence is revealed, then ‘in the morning I sing.’ When the ‘sackcloth’-the concealment-is removed, then God’s inner Will becomes apparent and ‘You gird me with joy.’”¹⁶

 

This truth applies to every situation in life. All of a person’s suffering is for a lofty purpose, and it is impossible to attain any true level of understanding without this.

On the verse, “Rejoice not against me, my enemy; when I fall, I shall rise; when I sit in darkness, God will be my light” (Micah 7:8), Chazal taught, “From  anger one can come to agreement; from wrath to compassion; from tension to relief; from distance to closeness; from a fall to a rise; from darkness to light.”¹⁷ That is, by means of the fall itself, we prepare ourselves for the rise.

 

Along these same lines, The Talmud criticizes Rabbi Elazar ben Azaria for allowing his cow to walk in a pubic place on Shabbos with its straps between its horns, contrary to the ruling of the Rabbis. The Talmud then asks: What cow are we talking about? Did Rabbi Elazar have only one? Why, every year he would separate 13,000 calves from his herd as his ma’aser behemah.¹⁸ The Talmud concludes that the cow in question actually belonged to Rabbi Elazar’s neighbor, but because he did not admonish her for transgressing the Shabbos, the responsibility for the cow fell upon him. ¹⁹

 

Nevertheless, the Talmuds’s statement still needs clarification. After all, the cow wasn’t really Rabbi Elazar’s. Why should it be considered his just because he did not caution the owner?

 

According to the Jerusalem Talmud’s version of this story, we may have an answer. It is related that Rabbi Elazar did such intense tshuva (repentance) for not admonishing his neighbor that his teeth were discolored from fasting.²⁰ His one small transgression ultimately brought him to an extremely high level of repentance. It turns out that his neighbor’s cow was worth more to Rabbi Elazar than all the thousands of cows that he owned: when he arrives in the World of Truth and sees the high level he attained because of this cow, he will realize that he never had more than one cow after all-his neighbors! From here we can see just how high a person can rise precisely because of a fall.²¹

 

 

We need to know how to act in these times, to pass through them peacefully and derive from them their full benefits. The best advice is to perform simple acts of goodness with honesty and sincerity: reciting a chapter of Psalms, for instance, or studying Torah on a lower level than usual, according to one’s ability at the moment, or doing acts of kindness as one encounters them. The principle is: if you cannot do what is required of you, do what you can. Often, that little bit of good a person does will immediately lift him back to his proper place, and he can again serve God with all his strength. Even in the worst of times, one can still refrain from committing improper actions, and this alone will yield great benefits.

  

This is hinted at in Rashi’s explanation of the verse: “And God appeared to Avraham and said to him…Walk before Me and be whole” (Bereishit 17:1). Rashi explains: “Be whole in all the tests I will bring upon you,” Since most of Avraham’s trials came about precisely in moments of darkness and lack of direction, God’s commandment was really a piece of advice. Be whole – be wholehearted and simple in all the tests I bring upon you, and don’t force yourself into high levels of avodah which you are not prepared for at that moment.

 

In the book Pri  HaAretz, by Rabbi Menachem Mendel of  Vitebsk, we find these words: “There is another more important principle – to pursue simple truths as one pursues life itself. Because God delights in this more than in one who ‘delves in matters too lofty and high for him’ (Tehillim 131:1), and in levels beyond his understanding.”²²

 

Really, simple things can always be found: acting with thoughtfulness and consideration, or performing mitzvot by avoiding evil and doing good.  A person who can hold onto these things and not lose hope in the moment of difficulty has something of eternal value. He will be able to turn descent into ascent and sins into merits.

 

Used with the author’s permission from "In All Your Ways."

 

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¹⁰ Chagiga 14b. 

     ¹¹ Metatron is called the Prince of the Countenance He is the governing angel of the supernal world of Yetzirah

¹² Sotah 20a.

¹³ Pesachim 22b.

¹⁴ Likutey Moharan I:25.

¹⁵ The word for night-erev-is related to the word taruvos-admixture, for at that time, the sparks of holiness are still mixed in with the darkness.

¹⁶ Sfas Emes on Psalms.

¹⁷ Yalkut Shimoni 558.

¹⁸ Animal tithes. This was one tenth of the calves born to Rabbi Elazar’s herds each year, See Leviticus 27:32.

¹⁹ Shabbos 54b.

²⁰ Talmud Yerushalmi, Shabbos 5:4.

²¹ I heard this from the tzaddik, R. Mordechai of Zvil, zt”l.

²² Pri Haaretz, Iggres HaKodesh, letter 28.