Shhh Don’t Talk! – Spiritual Weapons, Part 4

In Part 3 – Off Your Shoulders, I told a story that happened towards the end of the divorce, which was a case-in-point for the importance of having a spiritual guide helping you in your life, and especially, when difficulties of all sorts arise. However, that story taught me another very important spiritual weapon –Don’t Talk.  

In many situations including divorces, the less said to people around you, the better. Even asking for advice can be dangerous. You also risk what you say being twisted and turned against you, which I experienced multiple times with people I thought were friends. Eyin hara – the evil eye – can be a real risk depending on the situation. You don’t know what someone else is going through – in the midst of you pouring out your heart about your difficulties, you could arouse their jealousy because you have something else that they don’t! 

Pour your heart out to Hashem, ask your questions to your real spiritual guide, and find one or two confidants who you would trust with your own life (because that is really what is at stake!) to discuss matters with. Other than that – be quiet! Don’t talk! 

Now, what about the example I experienced, where you shut up and pay dearly for it? It’s worth it, because you stay on the righteous side. Two wrongs don’t make a right, and you don’t want to stoop to their level. Oh no – you want to stay righteous, and now guess who becomes your ally? Hashem Himself. That’s pretty heavy artillery in the battle, no?  
 
You want Hashem on your side! I have no doubt that this is part of the reason why I experienced such miracles, both during the divorce and after – because of the good advice I got from my spiritual guide, I kept Hashem with me, instead of pushing Him away with serious sins. There were times where it was so painfully difficult, but in the end, it was well worth it.  

After all, whose opinion do I really care about in the end – G-d’s, or my neighbor’s? Who cares if they think I am evil, when Hashem and the spiritual guide He sent me say that I am righteous? Again, I never said it was easy, but this knowledge gave me tons of strength to keep going. 

The whole issue really comes down to emuna. This is part of the emuna test. If you see Hashem instead of the person speaking about you, or see Hashem instead of your inability to find a soulmate or have children, or whatever problem you are having – then you’ve passed the test. If you pour your pain, fear, worry, and everything else into forging a stronger relationship with Hashem, instead of pouring it out to other people who really can’t help you and could possibly harm you – you only gain, with no risk. You’ll certainly get the best advice, and the most support you could want.  

Moreover, Hashem gives you all the merits of those speaking against you, if you accept their words with emuna and don’t respond. One tzaddik said of this type of situation, “They are throwing you diamonds! Don’t throw them back!”  

I just read a story about the famous Sdei Chemed. He was defamed by someone who was jealous of him, and lost his name, his position, and his income. He later had the ability to clear his name by reporting on the other Jew, when a witness to the crime came forward and offered to testify that he was innocent. He decided that one Chillul Hashem had already been committed, and he was not about to cause another one for the personal benefit of clearing his name – and told the witness to say nothing about the sin the other Jew did in defaming him. From that day on, he never forgot a word of what he learned and enjoyed special Divine assistance, and achieved what he achieved. How fortunate is he! His self-sacrifice paid off well in the end. 

And this does not even begin to describe the merit of someone who is insulted to his face, and doesn’t respond. And “insult” could also include someone who makes an off-taste comment about your suffering, and instead of chewing them out “How could you say such a thing?!” you keep quiet with your pain. All of their sins are forgiven, and in those moments, all their requests are answered, and they have the power to bless others, and Hashem will answer their blessings. Pray for your friends and loved ones if there is no one present to bless, and Hashem will surely answer your requests as well! 

As you can see, staying quiet is a truly powerful spiritual weapon in its own right, which brings you incredible merit and Divine assistance. It certainly doesn’t help to be learning the laws of proper speech every day as well, of which just the learning alone is a tried and true segula for every miracle you might need. 

Next up, we return to another benefit of a true spiritual guide – the ability to do pidyon nefesh, a redemption of the soul.