Battle Plan – Spiritual Weapons, Part 1
No matter what we are facing in our lives, we are in a massive test of emuna. The war is spiritual – and in order to fight it, we need to use spiritual weapons.
Some years ago, I went through a harrowing divorce. I discovered after a relatively short married life plagued with problems and strife, that my now ex-husband was addicted to pornography.
Hashem had mercy on me, and before my big discovery, Hashem sent me The Garden of Emuna. Thank G-d for that head start of strengthening my emuna and learning to speak to Hashem in personal prayer, because I needed it! I relied heavily on the book, reading and re-reading it throughout the divorce to gain strength, advice and emuna.
After the initial shock of the discovery, I went through some miserable months with one foot out the door, and one foot praying that he might get shaken up enough to turn himself around. I cried and cried and cried, mourning for all my hopes and dreams, dreading the decision that I recognized more and more that I had no choice to make. In my daily hitbodedut, I prayed for clarity, for strength, and for seata d’shmaya – Heavenly assistance.
I got it. I saw clearly that even though he portrayed himself as newly clean and proving himself, he was really still knee-deep in filth. The more I pushed for him to stop, the deeper he tried to bury the porn in a swamp of lies – but Hashem always uncovered them for me.
Even more importantly, Hashem also enabled me to get not just one, but three, huge Rabbis – gedolim, tzaddikim – involved in the situation. I discuss the critical importance of good advice in Part 2, but suffice to say, at the point where all three of them said that there was no hope and I must leave the marriage, I knew that the inevitable had come and the only option was to cut clean.
Battle Plan
Things got ugly pretty fast, and I realized that I needed a battle plan. However, thanks to my newfound emuna, I also recognized that the real war wasn’t going to be taking place here on Earth – but in the Heavenly courts. The real power wasn’t with the lawyers, the mothers or even the judge – but Hashem, the Judge of Judges. It was His decree that would determine the outcome of the Divorce Decree, and no other. The courts, the lawyers, even the ex himself – were all just puppets in Hashem’s hands.
That meant that my goal was to keep Hashem on my side. Therefore, I recognized that my strategy needed to focus on the spiritual, rather than the physical. After all, this really wasn’t about any of the many functional issues like the house, the money, or even the divorce itself – it was about passing this massive test of emuna.
A Spiritual War…
Realizing that since this was really a spiritual war had two important ramifications:
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Since the war is spiritual, then I had to fight it following the spiritual rules of right and wrong, that is, the Torah Hashem gave us and Jewish law (halachah) that is part and parcel of it. No matter how dirty he fought, I had to respond with righteousness, and follow civil and Jewish law. As the saying goes, “two wrongs don’t make a right.”
- Since the war is spiritual, then I had to fight it with spiritual weapons.
I recognized that I would not walk out of this ordeal the same under any circumstances. Whatever path I chose, it was going to change me forever – either into a better, stronger, more holy human being who is much closer to G-d and G-dliness, or the opposite. I made a conscious decision to choose the “high road” knowing that this might not be the easiest path to choose, but it would be worth it, in this world and the next.
I also realized that my main mission was not just to leave a marriage that was absolutely unviable, but to do so in order to, G-d willing, build a true Torah home one day. I was not running from the past, but specifically running into a future where my spiritual mission would be foremost in my life. I wanted to build a bayit neeman b’Yisrael – a faithful house of Israel where Torah and mitzvot were the foundation of the home. The point of the entire divorce wasn’t the divorce itself, but a sad and necessary step to get me closer to this principle goal. Therefore, the means I used to extricate myself from the marriage had to match these long–term ends.
…Needs Spiritual Weapons
In the following articles, I will share the spiritual “weapons” that I used to win the war with you. Even though I am going to use the divorce as the allegory, these weapons are universal, and can be applied to every sort of “emuna war” you might be fighting: lack of income, finding a spouse, childlessness – whatever.
Even though some battles were “painful and bloody” so to speak, and I did often feel that I was getting hit hard for doing the right thing, I won the war. Even though he threatened to never give me a gett (Jewish bill of divorce) or make me pay an exorbitant sum for it – I got it only a few months after requesting it, without paying a cent. Even though he tried very hard to cripple me financially and break me emotionally thereafter in the civil divorce, I walked away with a divorce in a much shorter time than my lawyer expected, and with the same amount of money in my pocket that I walked into the marriage with. My lawyer said on more than one occasion, “I don’t believe it; I’ve never seen anything like it. This just doesn’t happen!” Absolute miracles and wonders.
Spiritually, these weapons enabled me to face down a seemingly impossible situation, and more importantly, grow from it. I came out of the divorce an “emuna warrior,” with greatly increased belief in Hashem, and belief in my prayers. I was like a slingshot – the divorce pulled me so tight, that when it was over – I flew!
Without further ado, let’s get into the first spiritual weapon – Get a Real Spiritual Guide.
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