Marrying Young

Translated by Rabbi Lazer Brody

So many people nowadays are putting off marriage for all sorts of reasons. Most of their excuses center around finances, but they don’t understand that the best way to get money for a marriage is to get engaged and set a date. They also don’t realize that anything they do – whether learning Torah or pursuing a profession – will be much more successful once they’re married.

With Rebbe Nachman’s teachings in mind, we can summarize eight main points why marrying young is desirable:

1. Our sages teach us not to delay doing a mitzvah once we have the opportunity to perform the mitzvah. The Torah’s first command to mankind is, “Be fruitful and multiply.” As with every other mitzvah, we should strive fulfill the commandment of marriage and starting a family as soon as possible.

2. Our sages teach that a person must marry before the age of twenty to maintain a pure mind. A man who marries young is far more capable of maintaining personal holiness, or tikkun habrit, which is conducive to every blessing in life – good income, success, peace of mind and much more.

3. An unmarried person is not a whole person, for he or she lacks a soul mate from whom he or she can derive tremendous strength and gratification. Therefore, a person should marry as soon as he or she is mature enough. The claim that one should first complete higher education or save the needed funds is erroneous. Indeed, a married person is much more settled and serious as far as learning goes. Also, one’s income comes by virtue of one’s wife (see Likutei Moharan I:69). A married person will have a much greater blessing for the income that he needs. Besides, a person who truly honors his wife is guaranteed to have financial success.

4. The greats of Israel almost all married at a young age. Not only did marriage not hinder their personal and spiritual growth, but it helped them become great. Rebbe Nachman himself married at the age of 13, and so did Rebbe Natan.

5. A couple living in holiness is the ideal vessel for abundance, whereas single people are not.

6. Since a married person must provide for a wife and children, he gives Hashem the reasons to give him the blessings of an income and livelihood, as well as good character. 

7. Marriage gives a person stability and motivation. A married person has a reason to apply himself. He’s much more serious and mature and less confused and swayed.

8. The younger a person is, the more adaptable he or she is to a spouse. Younger parents often have a closer rapport with their children.

In light of the above, marriage at a young age is a blessing any way you look at it. Those who delay marriage for all types of seemingly logical reasons are often big losers. Those who marry young, while not nit-picking in choosing a partner for they know that they themselves are not perfect, see big blessings.

With emuna, we know that Divine providence plays the main role in finding the right spouse. A person does his best to find a compatible partner, and Hashem does the rest. So, if a person does his utmost to observe the Torah’s commandments, he’ll most likely find a suitable soul mate with relative ease. For those in doubt, the holy Ariza’l said that if a person stands under the chuppa (marital canopy) with someone, then that’s his true soul mate. No matter what a person did previously, if he makes an effort to do teshuva and get married, he’ll undoubtedly be blessed with his true soul mate.