A Fateful Decision

The Decision 

It was not a simple decision, but it was one of those decisions that changed and shaped my life. Purim was approaching, and I had entered to world of Judaism only several years before that. On the one hand, I knew about the greatness of the holy day and its uniqueness, and about the greatness of joy on Purim, especially according to the Arizal, who says that whoever is careful to avoid chametz on Pesach is saved for the entire year from any sin, and Rabbi Nachman says that Purim saves you from chametz on Pesach! That is why I was praying and yearning and waiting for this holy day and its influences. But, on the other hand, the memories from the past few years had left a rather bad taste in my mouth. 

I assume the readers understand what I am talking about. You probably have encountered the widespread phenomena of wild behavior, vomiting, talking nonsense – drunk people who lose their human dignity and even cause damage to others. And then, in the end, instead of achieving spiritual heights and dancing joyously with prayers and requests amid fear of Heaven, as should be on such a holy day, unfortunately, they are found rolling in vomit on the floor, like any old drunkard. They then go on to miss saying birkat hamazon (blessing after meals) and the daily prayers and even hurt other people etc. This ruined the whole atmosphere of Purim for me.  

I prayed to Hashem that He should enlighten me, and then I came to a decision. I told my wife: “This year I am going to celebrate Purim alone at home. I am not going anywhere. I don’t want my Purim to be ruined.” I had fine homemade wine, produced by G-d fearing Jews in holiness. I had a little tape recorder with cassettes containing songs of holiness and simcha, and lots of good desires and prayers… 

How Does One Drink This? 

Besides this, I had another small problem. I don’t know how to drink. Just a small amount of wine is enough to make me dizzy and put me to sleep, leaving me with a headache. But I knew that wine on Purim is a tikkun for the brit, and it elevates the mochin and clarifies the imagination. For when the imagination is not in its proper state, it is the root of all the lowly desires, and, on the other hand, when it is in shape, it is the root of the true and pure emuna (faith) – and I so much wanted to achieve these wonderful levels of kedusha. 

And so, during the meal, before I began to drink, I prayed from the depths of my heart, in my own words, that Hashem should protect me so that the wine will not harm me, not cause headaches and not make me, chalila, drunk and senseless, or put me to sleep; rather, it should bring me to the light of Purim and to all the good things included in it. I prayed a long time… 

After praying and connecting with tzaddikim, I drank the first cup. What can I say? It flowed into me like water. Not only did I not feel any side effects, headaches or sleepiness, but I felt like I had received a shot of energy. I got up and danced alone and felt tremendously joyous. 

The second cup went down the same way, and so did the ones that followed it. I prayed at length and felt how from one cup to another I was more awake, and my simcha just increased; I was dancing on my own for hours. After the meal I said birkat hamazon with a clear mind, and even walked to the Kotel for Ma’ariv (the evening prayers). I returned home and went to bed, and managed to get up at midnight, as if nothing had happened.  

You Deserve It 

That Purim amazed me. Only then did I understand the power of preparation. Only then did I understand how one can go into Purim and enjoy all its advantages, all its light, without harming oneself.  

Over the years, students gathered around me. They wanted to celebrate Purim with me, but I told them that they may, if they wish, but only if it is done my way. I prepared them for Purim and wrote a prayer to be said before each and every cup of wine. And so, over the years, I saw hundreds and even thousands of students who drank wine with this prayer and maintained an atmosphere of yirat Shamayim (fear of Heaven) without reaching a state of dissoluteness and silliness.  

Dear fellow Jews, we are about to arrive at such a great day, such a wonderful time, when anything is possible. I would like to see each and every one of my dear brothers enjoying the light of this great day in a wholesome way – enjoying the simcha, clarifying one’s imagination, experiencing the complete destruction of Amalek and his pride, meriting the tikkun of the brit, the holiness of Pesach. You deserve all this. You are Hashem’s children. Hashem wanted to shower you with good things.  

Therefore, listen well, so that you can learn how to receive all this without ruining anything. Of course, prepare yourself, starting now already, with prayer. And make sure to use the day of Purim, and especially the hours of the feasting and joy, in the best and most useful way, as I will now instruct you. 

The Bright Night 

Before everything else, hearing the megillah reading is a positive Rabbinic mitzvah. It is also a time of potential, during which the early Chassidim would feel a great spiritual awakening, and would even cry. This is not the time for fireworks and jokes. It is a time of awakening. And, believe me, it is possible to be joyful and have a great atmosphere without causing distress to other Jews.  

But the main thing is the night! We have a halacha on Purim that one should give charity to anyone who puts out his hand. And the tzaddikim say that that is exactly the way that the Holy One, Blessed be He, treats us on this day. It is a night on which anything you request will be granted you! Therefore, the custom is either to stay awake or else go to sleep early and get up at midnight – fathers and mothers, teenagers and even children – and simply to pray as much as possible for a few hours! 

There is a Hebrew expression “Not every day is Purim.” And this is said about praying on the night of Purim. It is a time of such enormous potential, more than any other day. A Jew is burdened with troubles, illnesses, difficulties and problems, and cries all year. So, they say to him: “Where were you on Purim? The treasury was open and the owner was standing there and giving out presents. Why didn’t you come to receive some?” 

Dear fellow Jews, there is no reason to have a party at night. Use the holy night for prayer, because on Purim you “give to any person who puts out his hand.” I suggest that you try to pray at length for some great salvation that you are in need of, and you will see how, in the merit of Mordechai and Esther and Purim, this special time of potential, your prayers will be answered. 

And, of course, the three daily prayers have to be said with great concentration, as is befitting such a day, which is on a higher level than Yom Kippur. We want to be quick to perform the mitzvahs, and therefore we go to pray at sunrise, with our mishloach manot (gifts of food) and matanot la’evyonim (alms for the poor) in hand. And immediately after the prayers and the reading of the Megillah, we perform these two mitzvahs, and so we know that we have fulfilled the day’s obligations happily and as quickly as possible.  

Light and Joy 

After the prayers, one must set aside some time for learning Torah, and learn with the children as well, to accustom both them and us that there is no such thing as a day without Torah learning. And certainly not such a holy day. It is brought in the halacha that on Purim, especially, one ought to learn much Torah, because “The Jews had light” – light meaning Torah. And on Purim the Jews accepted upon themselves the Torah received on Shavuot, but this time out of love and not due to coercion, and therefore this is a very great day, with the potential to accept upon oneself the yoke of Torah and receive great aid from Heaven in one’s learning. 

We do not drink even a drop of wine before the mincha prayer. And we say mincha as early as possible, and then begin the festive meal. The emphasis in the meal is: not to drink without many prayers. Whoever feels that the wine is destabilizing him, should stop drinking. The main thing is to maintain one’s yirat Shamayim, and engage in much joy and dancing. If one drinks, it should be only following many prayers and with great intent. One should say the Leshem Yichud slowly, concentrating on every word, and it is possible – and even desirable – to add one’s own person prayer, and only then drink. Even then, do not forget that the main thing is to get up and dance and be happy – and make others happy as much as possible. 

Rabbi Nachman says that the joy and dancing on Purim annuls all the harsh decrees and sweetens all the judgements. And boy, do we need that! Of course, it is also a time for prayers and salvations, as the king – meaning the King of the World – says to Queen Esther – which is every Jewish neshama – at the wine feast: “What is your request and it will be granted you.” This is the time to pray about everything, and most of all to pray for the entire Jewish people that they should do teshuva out of love, and merit redemption with mercy and all the salvations. And in the merit of the wonderful joy of Purim experienced this way, we will have a Pesach that will be a complete Redemption with wonders and miracles several times greater than we witnessed during the Exodus from Egypt. Speedily, in our days, Amen.