The “What” and “How”

Effective Persuasion 

What does one do when the teenagers begin to rebel? When they stop listening to their parents and teachers? When they drift onto a bad path? 

Well, first of all, this is a difficult challenge for one’s middot (character traits). We have to control ourselves and avoid outbursts. We must not resort to gut reactions. If we rebuke them in the wrong way, it might aggravate the situation and turn the kids even further away from us. 

Okay, so you’ve taken a deep breath, collected yourself, and now you want to have an open, honest discussion with the wayward youth. What do you say? 

Perhaps the right thing to do is to point out to your son or daughter that the things they are doing are harmful to themselves. They are asking for trouble, and as caring parents, we want to protect them. 

How will they react to this? I’m sorry to say that this kind of speech will not be helpful. Your child will not change for the better despite your hopes, and the tension between you and your child will only increase. 

The child’s age and lack of life experience prevents him from telling you the plain truth, “Dear Father/Mother/Teacher, I may be young, but I understand very well that my behavior is improper. I’m not stupid, and there is no need to explain it to me. That doesn’t help at all! What I do need is for you to show me how I can change. Don’t tell me what to do, just how to do it!” 

If we think about it, we will realize that the overwhelming majority of people understand what is right and what is wrong. Still, they find it hard to put that knowledge into practice. Our central problem is not that we don’t know what we should do, but that we don’t know how to bring ourselves to do the things that we know are right. 

If you have the same problem with yourself, meaning that you know that you are doing the wrong things but you don’t know how to stop yourself, what can you expect from the kid? Do you really think that all he needs is to know that he is making a mistake, and then he will change his behavior just like that? 

If you want to have an effective conversation with your son or student, one that will really help him, then don’t just tell him what he is supposed to do. Try to understand what’s making it hard for him, and then advise him how to change. Give him practical, tailor-made advice that he can actually use. 

A Pep Talk with Moshe Rabbeinu 

This is what Nitzavim-Vayeilech is all about. Moshe Rabbeinu really understands his people. He has spent the entire Chumash Devarim reminding them of all the things they did over the years in the desert. He knows their weaknesses, and he sharpens their understanding of our principles of faith. He reviews with them what is good and what is not, preparing them to enter Eretz Yisrael. 

But that’s not enough. He knows that it is hard for them and that it will continue to be hard, as he says, “I know that you’re going to mess up after my death.” 

The people listen well, but after all is said and done, they can argue, “Sure, that’s the way it should be, but it’s not practical. It’s hard for me. I have a strong yetzer hara, and I keep on losing the battle.” 

Therefore, after an entire Chumash filled with rebuke, it’s time for practical advice. Because all that is really important is – how do we go about changing? We need advice that is practical for every individual, not advice that is good for some and not good for others. After all, the Torah was given to everyone. 

Moshe Rabbeinu emphasized this as he began this parashah. “You are all standing here today…,” and then he listed every rank among them, from top to bottom, from the princes to the woodchoppers. Moshe then added that his speech is directed to the future generations as well. 

Our holy Torah is practical advice for every single Jew. It is not in Heaven, as Moshe tells us, but what are we little people supposed to do? The Torah makes big demands of us. We know what we are supposed to be doing, but we need to know how to go about it. 

The answer is: teshuvah. The mitzvah of teshuvah is very close to us, as Moshe tells us, “It is there in your mouth and heart, ready to be done.” Anyone and everyone can do teshuvah. If you have a mouth and a heart, you can do it! It doesn’t matter what things you have done wrong in the past or how far you have fallen – you can always do teshuvah. Just open your mouth and say what is on your heart. Each time, you will fix things somewhat, and you can do it again and again until you are up there with Hashem. 

You Need to Speak Up to Really Change 

The main facet of teshuvah is to make a commitment for the future. That means to actually change how you behave. We want our children to change, and that’s exactly what Hashem wants us to do. 

Okay, but how do we do it? We have all taken on such resolutions many times, and we were never able to stick with them. What are we supposed to do? 

There is only one answer – we must daven for Hashem to help us do it. That is the deeper meaning of “it is in your mouth and your heart to do it.” You do teshuvah by davening. Without Hashem’s help, we wouldn’t be able to do it. So, get up and ask Hashem, “Abba, please help! I can’t do it on my own.” 

You don’t have to be a great Torah sage to do this. Even if you are no more than a woodchopper or water boy, you can do it. Don’t think that this was good advice for Moshe’s generation but not for us. Not true! It is good advice for every generation. We each have a mouth, so we each can daven for Hashem to help us. Every Jew in every generation has the potential to fulfill the entire Torah. 

Reb Noson taught us that this is our final preparation for Hashem’s judgment. It is not by coincidence that this parashah is read every year on the last Shabbos before Rosh Hashanah. We want to do teshuvah. We want to change. But we’ve tried this so many times and it never worked. What can we do differently this time so that it will be different? 

Moshe tells us: Daven to be able to fulfill the entire Torah. The entire Chumash Devarim up to this point has been the “what,” meaning what is right and what is wrong. But, until now no one told us the “how.” Parashat Nitzavim gives us the answer: Ask Hashem for His help. That is “how”. 

Power in Prayer 

In the haftarah for Shabbos Shuva, the Navi (prophet) tells us, “Take words (Devarim) with you and repent to Hashem.”¹ Perhaps this is an allusion to, “Take the entire Chumash Devarim with you and change its words into a prayer. Daven to be able to observe the Torah, and through that you will repent to Hashem, coming back from wherever you might have been. Daven to be able to fulfill Hashem’s Will. 

Perhaps there is yet another allusion in our parashah. It begins by saying, “You are all standing (nitzavim) here today.”² The term nitzavim can be interpreted as davening, just as Chana told Eli, “I am the woman who was standing (nitzevet) near you to daven to Hashem.”³ Chana is the prime example of someone who knows how to daven in the best way. 

When it comes to Torah wisdom, people have many levels of scholarship. When it comes to davening, however, we all stand together. We can all daven equally well, and therefore we can all merit to observe the holy Torah. 

Rebbe Nachman demanded that every Jew set aside an hour for hitbodedut (personal prayer). During that hour, each of us can ask Hashem to enable us to fulfill the Torah that we learn. This is the advice that the Torah itself gives us. Reb Noson said, “Moshe Rabbeinu gave us the Torah, but Rebbe Nachman gave us the ability to fulfill the Torah.” He guided us along the correct path so that we can actually fulfill what the Torah teaches. 

Now, only days before Rosh Hashanah, is the time to resolve to follow the principal advice given by Rebbe Nachman, which is to set aside an hour each day to do hitbodedut. Dear Jews, read the sefarim that deal with this subject and that have been recently published, especially the In Forest Fields and A New Light. These sefarim focus on the “how,” showing the way toward actually observing the Torah. 

We want to have a year that is genuinely good. We want the year to bring its blessings to us. We want a new beginning, and this is accomplished by standing firm, by putting power into our davening. Dedicate a chunk of time each day to use your mouth and heart to really fulfill the Torah. 

Shanah Tovah 

Editor’s Notes

¹ Hoshea 14:2

² Devarim (Deuteronomy) 29:9

³ I Shmuel (I Samuel) 1:26