You Can Do It!

Translated from Rabbi Arush’s feature article in the weekly Chut shel Chessed newsletter. The articles focus on his main message: “Loving others as yourself” and emuna. 

You Don’t Love Me at All 

Children of this generation know that they can always win an argument with their parents by proclaiming, “You don’t love me, not at all…!” This is a real psychological weapon, and in most cases it really works, making the parents think, “Maybe I really don’t display enough love to my children, and they feel emotionally deprived.” 

But anyone who thinks logically is not fooled by this. After all, we dedicate our entire lives to our children. We give them everything and invest all our energies for their benefit. It is not possible that they are unaware of this. So where does such an accusation come from? 

Usually, it is the result of the parents refusing to buy something that the child just asked for. And usually, the parents’ refusal is based on considerations that are for the child’s own good. In other words, the child’s accusation is unjustified and shortsighted. The child lives in the moment, without seeing or thinking beyond the here and now. 

Unfortunately, once the child makes this accusation and begins to believe it himself, he advances to rebellion against his parents. After all, once he convinces himself that they don’t love him, he will have no interest in pleasing them or following their instructions. So, besides the fact that the words “you don’t love me,” are based on false premises, the child uses them to justify rebelling against his parents and refusing to do the things he ought to be doing. 

What do you say about this? Do you think that it is childish behavior? Well, it is. The bigger problem is that even after we grow up we continue acting the same way. Whenever we see that life is not going the way we would want it, we forget the infinite number of good things and the endless love that Hashem has for us. We begin whining that He doesn’t love us, but this comes from the same  childish  shortsightedness. It is a desperate attempt to find an excuse to cast the yoke of Heaven off our shoulders. 

The Mystery of the Meraglim 

I have always wondered about the sin of the meraglim (spies)¹. The people of Yisrael had witnessed so many miracles and supernatural events with their own eyes. They experienced visions of Hashem and they heard Him speak. Miraculous events were a daily occurrence for them; so how was it possible for them to so egregiously reject Hashem’s Will? How did they become so devoid of hope that they wept over their fate? Another thing I couldn’t figure out is the punishment our nation received for this sin – we have been condemned to weep through the generations and to suffer the destruction of the Beis Hamikdash two times. So much persecution and repeated holocausts, just because our ancestors wept! 

I have received much inspiration from Shamayim about this subject, and I have  written  much about it. Still, I discover new revelations every single year. This year as well, I was privileged to discover a new perspective on the entire issue of the meraglim. 

The people of Yisrael wanted to send scouts ahead of them, but Hashem was not keen on the idea. Hashem gave Moshe a broad hint of His disapproval: “Send for yourself; you have My permission if you think it is a good idea, but I am not going to command you to do so.” Hashem knew that this request revealed a major shortcoming in the people’s emunah. “I already told them that it is a good land,” He said. “I swear that now I will give them an opening to make a fatal mistake through the report of the meraglim, and this way they will never take possession of the Land.” This is an example of the principle: “A person is led along the path that he chooses for himself.”² 

The meraglim returned from their excursion and spoke badly about the Land, even though Hashem had told them that it is good. They reported with confidence, “We will not be able to ascend to those nations, for they are more powerful than Him!” As Rashi explained, they had lost faith in Hashem. This is what Yehoshua  and  Calev protested: “But don’t rebel against Hashem.” Unfortunately, the people all joined together in mass rebellion, and they wept that night over what they perceived as a hopeless situation. 

Hopelessness Feeds on Itself 

It wasn’t just that they cried. The weeping symbolized their rebellion against Hashem. The Or HaChayim in the previous parashah (Behaalotcha) listed other instances of weeping needlessly, and he explained that this weeping stems from the desire to cast off the yoke of Hashem’s Kingdom. The Torah relates: “Moshe heard the people crying in their families…and Hashem became exceedingly angry.” The Or HaChayim explains that if someone turns to sin because of his physical desires, there is something to say in his defense. He can claim that he was overwhelmed by his desire. But when people cry, they  demonstrate that their intention is to abandon Hashem altogether. They invite the yetzer hara to come and take over, and that is a much more grievous sin. 

Hashem announced that He was about to punish the people when they demanded meat, saying “It is because you cried in Hashem’s Ears.” The Or HaChayim comments, “It appears that Hashem would not forgive them for crying. Is the fact that they cried a crime in itself? It seems that Hashem was angered because their weeping demonstrated that they did not believe at all that Hashem is in control of life’s events. Otherwise, they should have asked Hashem to give them meat, like a child begs from his father. Instead, they cried as if it were impossible, as if Hashem could not deliver what they wanted. They denied that Hashem is almighty and able to do anything He wants, and that made them guilty of heresy. 

The truth is that as soon as they left Har Sinai and began their advancement toward Eretz Yisrael, they already began complaining, although there was no basis for any complaint. Sforno points out that the Torah states that “the people complained” without explaining what they were complaining about. They complained that traveling was too hard, but in reality they had no excuse for complaining. 

The Da’as Zekeinim on the same pasuk asserts that the people already believed that Hashem could not conquer Eretz Yisrael for them. They did not need to send meraglim to come to that conclusion; the meraglim simply served as their official excuse for rebelling. The people mourned over their fate, since the Blessed Holy One wanted to bring them to Eretz Yisrael. They had no confidence, and instead they feared going to battle. And this was before they even spoke about sending scouts ahead of them. 

Yehoshua and Calev understood perfectly what the people were crying about. Therefore, they declared to everyone, “As long as Hashem wants us, He will bring us to this Land and deliver it to us, this Land that flows with milk and honey.” They understood that the people needed to believe that Hashem wanted to give the Land to them. Therefore, they tried to persuade the people that the truth is that Hashem desires them as His people, and everything else follows that belief. 

This is what the Or HaChayim meant. Why should you cry, when all you need is to ask Hashem for the things you want, like a child who asks his father? The choices are clear – either you have emunah, or you want Gehinnom. If you live with emunah, Hashem will spoil you by granting you everything you desire, without limit. If you live without emunah, life is empty and hopeless, and that void is filled with tears. 

This is true for every Jew, for every nisayon with which he is challenged. If you don’t believe with perfect faith that Hashem loves you, every little mishap will break you and bring you to total hopelessness. If someone is depressed, he cannot overcome even the slightest nisayon. But if you are confident that Hashem loves you and wants to give you everything good, then nothing in the world limits you. You can go ahead and fulfill Hashem’s Will with ease, even if it means to fight a fierce battle or to do the most difficult things you can imagine. You can go ahead without hesitation, like the 85-year-old Calev who single-handedly fought the giants and conquered Hebron. All you need is to believe with full confidence that Hashem loves you and wants to give you everything. Ask Him for whatever you want, and become a success! 

Editor’s Notes: 

¹ Bamidbar (Book of Numbers), Chapters 13 and 14 

² Babylonian Talmud, Tractate Makkot 10b