Guide to Self-Assessment, Part 3 

Translated from Rabbi Arush’s feature article in the weekly Chut shel Chessed newsletter. The articles focus on his main message: “Loving others as yourself” and emuna. 

It’s Not Enough to Simply Receive the Torah 

After the passing of Rebbe Nachman of Breslev, the chassidim turned toward his prime disciple, Reb Natan, for spiritual guidance. Reb Natan was a youthful genius. Although growing up in small Ukrainian villages, he had the far-reaching vision that Rebbe Nachman’s teachings would become a lighthouse that could guide the ships struggling to navigate the stormy seas of the modern world.  Reb Natan worked day and night with great self-sacrifice to spread Rebbe Nachman’s Torah teachings in every way possible. His crowning, lasting achievement was his publication of the sefarim he composed to explain and expand upon Rebbe Nachman’s Torah. But for him personally, the most gratifying moments were those occasions when his talmidim gathered to hear his lessons, which emanated from the gushing stream of  Rebbe  Nachman’s wisdom. 

Just as the chassidim had gathered around Rebbe Nachman to celebrate Shavuot with him during  his lifetime, they gathered around Reb Natan each year on the anniversary of our receiving the Torah. They came not only to hear Reb Natan’s Torah, but also to experience the fervent prayers and to worship with him in his beit midrash. One year, Reb Natan’s heart burst into flames of holy excitement during the  davening, and as the chazzan carried the sefer Torah from the aron hakodesh, Reb Natan shouted out, “Moshe Rabbeinu gave us the Torah, and our holy Rebbe gave us the guide to fulfilling the Torah!” 

What Is Meant by Fulfilling the Torah? 

That short outburst encapsulated the ultimate goal of everyone who seeks to serve Hashem. It means that he searches for any and all pathways to bring him to actually fulfill the Torah. 

But what does that mean? The Torah includes every halacha of the Shulchan Aruch and the perfection of one’s middot and holy life as they have been transmitted from one generation to another, going all the way back to Moshe Rabbeinu, who received this guidance from Sinai. Our problem is that we might feel that it is an overwhelming task to fulfill even the basic elements of the mitzvot, never mind to observe all the chumrot (stringencies) and special behaviors that few people take upon themselves. 

The yetzer hara works very hard to prevent us from correctly fulfilling the principal elements of the Torah, such as avoiding looking at things we are forbidden to see, avoiding speaking forbidden speech, keeping our thoughts pure, davening with proper kavanah, perfecting our faith and trust in Hashem, loving all Jews, containing our anger and controlling our desires, learning Torah diligently, and treating our colleagues and family members with respect. These are just some of the fundamental aspects of Judaism, and we all must overcome an infinitely powerful yetzer hara who attacks us constantly with distractions and hardships, although we all accept the fact that this is the way Hashem wants it to be. 

Even a good Jew, who possesses fear of Heaven and who truly desires to obey Hashem and fulfill the Torah’s dictates, nevertheless experiences tremendous obstacles while trying to realize these goals, and he can become totally frustrated. At that point, he might just give up trying, fooling himself into thinking that very few people are able to withstand all this pressure, and only those special people are expected to do so. But this is the opposite of the Torah viewpoint. The Blessed Holy One is not a tyrant! The Torah states, “This mitzvah, which I command you today, is not beyond your capability, and it is not far from your reach.” This pasuk (verse) applies to every single Jew, without exception. 

Combining Aspects of Avodah 

The Gedolim of the generations, led by the Mesillas Yesharim and Rebbe Nachman, taught that the one pathway toward fulfilling Hashem’s Will totally, without “rounding the corners” and without faking it, is through practicing hitbodedut, especially through using that time to make a personal cheshbon hanefesh.

Rebbe Nachman taught a basic element of emunah: There are things that appear to you to be too difficult, and regarding which the yetzer hara is too strong for you to succeed. But even if it is true that you really can’t, don’t stop wishing and desiring to succeed. Don’t give up davening for it. Anyone is able to want to succeed in avodat Hashem. Everyone is able to daven for that success, and if you keep on  davening for it, you will eventually find that you really have changed for the better. You will realize that you can now overcome many of those negative tendencies that had been ingrained into your soul by the yetzer hara. 

In the previous two issues, we explained a revolutionary method of serving Hashem – combining one’s cheshbon hanefesh with one’s avodat haratzon by focusing one’s davening on a single spiritual issue. This week, just before we receive the Torah anew, is an ideal time to complete the picture and explain  how to combine cheshbon hanefesh with the  avodah  of thanking Hashem! 

If in the framework of your cheshbon hanefesh, you tell Hashem, “I did something good, thank You for enabling me to do it. I did something wrong, and I am sorry. Please forgive me, for I have resolved not to repeat that mistake,” and you go through your day’s activities in this way, it’s good, but it’s just not enough. This will not bring about the dramatic change in yourself that you are hoping for. 

Deep Gratitude 

In the previous two essays, we showed how you can do teshuvah more deeply for your less-than-perfect deeds. Before we review that, let’s show you how to deepen your feelings of gratitude for  Hashem’s  enabling you to do good things. When you thank Hashem for these things, you must impress upon yourself the realization that, “I do not deserve what I have received. Hashem does so much for me, giving me the support I need in order to succeed in fulfilling His Will.” 

Shavuot is the yahrtzeit (date of passing) of David Hamelech, who said, “With Your abundant chessed, I enter Your House. I prostrate myself toward Your Sanctuary in fear of You.” David Hamelech understood that the very fact that he is permitted to enter Hashem’s House is a tremendous privilege. He admitted that he does not deserve such a privilege and that he has been granted it due only to Hashem’s abundant chessed. 

This is a powerful idea, and it encapsulates the fundamental elements of feeling gratitude to Hashem, including the realization that, “I don’t deserve anything at all,” and the recognition that it all comes because of Hashem’s kindness and goodness. I recommend that anyone who makes a cheshbon  hanefesh during his hitbodedut and lists the good things that Hashem has enabled him to do, should incorporate this sentence in his thanks, saying, “With Your abundant chessed, I was able to put on tefillin. With  Your abundant chessed, I was able to daven Shacharit. With Your abundant chessed, I was able to learn Torah.” 

When a Jew thanks Hashem sincerely for being able to fulfill a mitzvah and to do something good, Hashem will give him more opportunities to do good things, and He will enable him to accomplish them. Therefore, thanking Hashem is an important tool to bring you to actually fulfill the Torah. 

In Summary 

The formula for making your cheshbon hanefesh a powerful tool to lead you to fulfillment of the Torah is: 

To list in detail everything you have done since the previous day’s cheshbon hanefesh – every thought, every statement, and every deed. For every good thing, thank Hashem deeply by saying, “With  Your  abundant chessed, I was able to do this.” For every not-so-good thing, stop to daven for five to seven minutes, asking for Hashem to help you improve in that area of avodat Hashem. 

In this way, you upgrade your cheshbon hanefesh and turn it into genuine avodat Hashem. You are not only examining yourself and paying attention to your weak points; you are working on yourself, fixing your faults and taking real steps toward improvement. In this merit, we will be able not only to recite the Torah, but to really fulfill the Torah in the way Hashem wants.