A Dreidel in God’s Hands 

Baruch Hashem, I’m nearing two decades of learning Rabbi Arush’s teachings (although I am still not ready to admit how old that makes me). So, I know his main teachings on each holiday basically down pat.  

But when I translated this recent clip from Harav on Chanukah and a deeper understanding of the dreidel (the spinning top which is part of a Chanukah game), I was totally blown away.

On the one hand, realizing that we cannot stand on our own can be difficult in some ways. The Evil Inclination never lacks ways to fill us with arrogance and to think that we have control over our lives. If only I (fill in the blank – work harder, work longer, study harder, whatever), then I could “make it” or “fulfill my dreams” and get what I want.  

The Evil Inclination certainly never lets us off the hook either, with endless comments from the “inner critic” running through our head, which is what Rabbi Nachman of Breslev calls “self-persecution” (redifat atzmit in Hebrew): “Look how terrible you are!”, “Everyone else is managing better/making more money/doing better than you!”, “See, this proves God hates you.”, “You’re worthless and you’ll never amount to anything.”, “Just give up already.” 

In this little clip, Rabbi Arush just handed us the key to putting both of these very serious lies of the Evil Inclination to rest forever. You have no legs to stand on, and that is how you were designed, so stop blaming yourself for not having what you weren’t created with! 

Could you imagine screaming at someone in a wheelchair: “Just get up and walk already!” You would be labeled intolerant or worse and probably end up in a courthouse for breaking some obscure law on disability rights.  

That is literally what we are doing to ourselves all day! If man is a spinning top, and we can only “stand” when spun from Heaven in a particular direction – then that means we absolutely cannot blame ourselves for falling. Nor can we force our lives to go in a particular direction (I admit I tried that when I was younger, and it ended in disaster, so I don’t recommend it!). Hence, we have to stop blaming ourselves for what was never ours to do in the first place!  

This is a perfect example of Rabbi Arush’s axiom “either emuna or Gehinnom (Hell).” To change yourself – you cannot. Therefore, you are left with two options: 

Either you accept that you are a dreidel with love, trust that Hashem will surely spin you in a good direction and to fulfill your purpose in this world, thank Hashem when things go in an obviously good way, and accept the falls as part of the “game” – which is to say, accept your life with emuna – and then this cushions everything you go through. This daat  (knowledge of the truth) enables you to weather the storms of life, gives you strength, calm and fortitude, and for everything you need and want, you know to pray that God will “spin” things that way for you.  

 

Or, you fight it and keep trying to spin things the way you want, for naught. You can’t win, since a top by definition has no legs. And thus you sputter your way through life, angry, bitter, afraid, and anxious about where you will be spun next and why you keep falling — especially on “shin” (the letter which means you must pay in the dreidel game) — over and over again.  

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again – if the definition of suffering is:  

pain + non-acceptance = suffering 

 
Then, if you strengthen your emuna to accept your portion and whatever you’re going through because it is from Hashem Who loves you, Who is your Daddy Who does everything and more for you, so it must be good even if right now in the time of the test you can’t see it (or it wouldn’t be a test) – then you’ll stop suffering!  

Therefore, the next time you hear that awful voice in your head telling you that you’re worthless, or life isn’t worth living because of X, Y, or Z, or whatever line of bull the Evil Inclination is trying to sell you – stop and remember: “I am just a dreidel. If this is what God Who is my Daddy, Who loves me like an only child, is doing – then surely it’s for the best. It’s not me. It’s God. God knows I can’t stand on my own – so I will lean on Him. He knows I can’t do it alone, so I will pray, and stop berating myself for what I don’t have power over!” 

As a final aside – Judaism never, ever gives you a free pass to not do everything possible to improve yourself, your character traits, and your life. You can’t fall over and say, “Forget it, see I have no legs anyway, I’ll just lay here!” Of course you must do everything that IS in your power, according to the situation! Of course, you have free choice to try to go this way or that, do the right thing or stand down – and you will be judged for those choices.  

But the results? The results are up to Hashem! And this is part of why Rabbi Arush teaches that 90% of your hishtadlut (personal efforts) should be in prayer – asking Hashem to help you and asking Hashem to lead you – because ultimately His decision is the one that matters. 

Never forget – you might be a spinning top with no legs to stand on. But you are not blamed for that, so stop blaming yourself! 

Even more importantly – you are not spinning at random. You are guided by God Almighty Himself – Who loves you, and does the very best for you, and lovingly stands you on your feet and spins you towards your purpose in life! And those falls? They are an opportunity for God to spin you anew, towards something even bigger and better. 

So, take a deep breath. And remember that you are held – and spun – by the most loving and all-powerful Hands in the world. All the fear, shame, blame, anger, depression, and bitterness – just let it go out with the breath. And now, breathe in the wonderful peace of emuna! 

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Rachel Avrahami grew up in Los Angeles, CA, USA in a far-off valley where she was one of only a handful of Jews in a public high school of thousands. She found Hashem in the urban jungle of the university. Rachel was privileged to read one of the first copies of The Garden of Emuna in English, and the rest, as they say, is history. She made Aliyah and immediately began working at Breslev Israel.   
  
Rachel is now the Editor of Breslev Israel’s English website. She welcomes questions, comments, articles, and personal stories to her email: rachel.avrahami@breslev.co.il.