Trauma & Emuna, Part 2–Questions & Anger at God 

This is a continuation of Part 1 – Why So Much Pain? 

Now that we have that foundation laid, let’s discuss the emotions and the questions. 

I am quite confident that anyone who has been through suffering and especially abuse might be asking this question of WHY, GOD, WHY?!?!?!? and also HOW?!?!?!  

How could You let it happen, God? How could someone do such a thing? 

Before I answer, it’s critically important to read Chapter 1 of The Garden of Emuna, where Rabbi Shalom Arush discusses these questions and their answer in depth.

I can only speak for myself. For me, they aren’t questions I should ask. I feel guilty asking them in fact, like you aren’t supposed to question God, right? But I cannot not ask. It’s like a primal scream of sorts. 

The best solution is simply to ask Hashem those questions and let Him answer in His own way. Just as I discuss some of the answers I got in those articles – God will certainly answer you as well! 

And know that it is absolutely legitimate to ask the question! And feel the feelings!  

God can handle questions. We’re Jews, right – lots of questions and that’s fantastic. God loves questions. It means you want answers. It means you’re not settling for a superficial relationship with Him. Sometimes in marriage we must ask our spouses some tough questions too… and that is because we care about moving forward together. I promise you, God understands. As long as you’re asking the questions to get answers, to process, to try to work it out – God is thrilled! 

Peter Levine explains in Somatic Experiencing that rage is absolutely part of the experience of trauma, and feeling it is critical for healing. Feeling rage at God Who “let it happen” is part of the process. A necessary part of the process. If Peter Levine knows that, then certainly so does God! And He is patient with it. It should be embraced even if we feel guilty about it. 

So, how do we bring those questions to God? Rabbi Arush explains it’s two simple steps: 

#1 Tell Hashem about the anger (or whatever other emotion you’re dealing with). You can tell Him that you feel guilty asking the question if you do. He understands.  

Some people misunderstand – Emuna isn’t not feeling. It’s feeling, and then reaching for something higher. If we understood, then it’s daat – not emuna. If we know the answer, it isn’t a test!  

The key is to feel all those feelings AND STILL CHOOSE TO BELIEVE ANYWAY. In Rabbi Arush’s words (which rhyme in Hebrew): “I don’t understand, I only believe, it’s all for the best!” 

#2 Ask Hashem for help with the anger. Express your desire to thank Him for the suffering with your whole heart. To Believe. Ask for mercy to feel Him, to get that help, support and strength. I also thank Hashem for the times I got it when I really needed it. 

Rabbi Arush explains that we must ask Hashem for the emuna we need. Why ask Hashem only for physical needs? More than anything we must ask for our spiritual needs! Half an hour a day, every day, RABBI ARUSH HIMSELF PRAYS FOR EMUNA! If he needs it, I believe we certainly must as well… 

Recognize that this process will generally be repeated over and over again. It’s a process. Emotions come in waves. Processing also comes in waves. Don’t feel like you’re going backwards because suddenly the emotions and the questions come up again. It’s part of going up to new levels and moving forward – not backwards. Rabbi Nachman of Breslev calls it “running and returning.”  

I hope this validates you, too. Everyone has questions of God. I promise you, God loves you along with your righteous anger at Him. It’s okay! It really is. Just don’t wallow in it – believe in Hashem, and He will help you through it! 

I want to leave you with some encouragement. Rabbi Arush says that someone who thanks Hashem for a particular suffering – not only does that person correct all of their lack of emuna in this lifetime, AND also their lack of emuna in previous lifetimes – but they also correct the crying and complaining of everyone else who complained about that particular problem THROUGHOUT HISTORY. A gigantic spiritual rectification – and the merit is all yours! 

I think about that, and it helps me. A commander gives the toughest assignments to his best men. According to the difficulty – is the reward. You got a special forces op assignment – and you’ll get the reward, too! 

God always loves me, ALWAYS – and it’s only getting better and better! 

If we believe it – it will come true! 

*** 

Rachel Avrahami grew up in Los Angeles, CA, USA in a far-off valley where she was one of only a handful of Jews in a public high school of thousands. She found Hashem in the urban jungle of the university. Rachel was privileged to read one of the first copies of The Garden of Emuna in English, and the rest, as they say, is history. She made Aliyah and immediately began working at Breslev Israel.   
  
Rachel is now the Editor of Breslev Israel’s English website. She welcomes questions, comments, articles, and personal stories to her email: rachel.avrahami@breslev.co.il.