Trauma and Emuna, Part 1 – Why So Much Pain?

Q: Why does one person have to go through so much pain? Why does it have to be that way? And how can it be that the person who abused¹ me has it good in this world – good income, community status, and more – while I struggle with money, being able to work, my physical and emotional health, and more? 

Firstly, I recommend that you read my previous articles Put the Knife Down and Part 2 – Say Thank You for Abuse?! If anything, it will help you understand that my answer is based on experience. 

Before I answer, I need to lay the foundation. One critical spiritual rule which is part of emuna is recognizing that the physical world, this world, and the spiritual world, are in many ways opposites. There is the famous story of the student who said he saw the Next World and that it was “upside-down.” And the Rabbi said, “You saw correctly.” 

Let me give you an example. I personally had the awesome merit to meet a poor tzaddik, a lamed vavnik, Rabbi Avraham Chai zt”l, with Rabbi Arush once. Let me admit – he looked crazy. His eyes weren’t right, he was tiny, shirt not orderly, etc. A story is told that he would sit and say Tehillim all day. One day there was a group learning Talmud, and there was a question no one could answer. He stopped saying Tehillim, came over and explained the answer. No one could believe it… you?! YOU know the answer? He guarded over a non-religious city in Israel. His wife understandably wanted to move. Eliyahu Hanavi came to the door and gently explained that please, could she give in, he needs to be there… 

I heard a great lecture once from R’ Pinto, shlita. He brought a Rashi and explained, “Don’t read ‘mishpatim‘, read ‘gilgulim.’” Meaning, all these questions – why did this one get away with that, and why did that one do this to the other etc.  – all the “mishpatim” – rules of theft, etc. Don’t see the physical, see gilgulim – see reincarnations! We cannot understand the answers without seeing the full picture. 

Rabbi Arush once told a story of a woman who came to him. She explained that someone had stolen a large amount of money, and she just couldn’t accept it with emuna, and couldn’t get over it. He explained to her that this money was money that she owed this person from a previous lifetime. She should be happy the debt is now cleared; spiritual rectification finished. But sadly, she couldn’t accept it with love and emuna. If she had, Hashem would have already prepared four times the amount for her to get back from another place. Now she still has the rectification, but not the reward for her emuna that she just couldn’t muster… 

So, the first part of the question is knowing that Hashem absolutely DOES have all the answers! You aren’t alone. Hashem did everything, there is a line item in Shamayim for everything. EVERYTHING. Hashem loves you, He cries with you, He continues to help you too.  

I know thinking about this helps me. 

And that’s why I explained that judgement belongs to Heaven, not earth. Just because it seems like your abuser is doing great while you suffer is hardly the entire picture. You are doing holy work with a huge reward for your emuna and he is possibly getting paid out in this world for whatever good he has done, and eternal suffering is waiting for him in the Next World. 

Therefore, the first thing, is to validate that your reality is actually THE REAL REALITY. Not what it looks like in this world, externally. 

Continued in Part 2 – Questions and Anger at God 

¹ Abuse is a common cause of trauma, which can lead to post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) or complex PTSD (C-PTSD).

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Rachel Avrahami grew up in Los Angeles, CA, USA in a far-off valley where she was one of only a handful of Jews in a public high school of thousands. She found Hashem in the urban jungle of the university. Rachel was privileged to read one of the first copies of The Garden of Emuna in English, and the rest, as they say, is history. She made Aliyah and immediately began working at Breslev Israel.   
  
Rachel is now the Editor of Breslev Israel’s English website. She welcomes questions, comments, articles, and personal stories to her email: rachel.avrahami@breslev.co.il.