Stay Humble

“From Mount Hor to the approach of Chamat, and the border extends to Tzidah.” (Bamidbar 34:8) 

The Charm of Humility 

Shlomo HaMelech wrote (Mishlei 3:34), “But to the humble He gives grace…” 

R’ Pinchas from Koretz explained the meaning of this pasuk in Imrei Pinchas (Sha’ar Toras HaAdam, 42), just as everything a baby does is endearing and well-received — because it’s done with pure innocence and no ulterior motives — so too, when a person acts without self-interest, even their unusual behavior is met with approval and acceptance. 

My mechutan (father-in-law), the Vizhnitzer Rebbe from Monsey, zt”l, told me the following story that he heard from the R’ Shlomo Eliezer Weisel, zt”l, Av Beis Din (Head Religious Judge of Rabbinic Court) of Tarnowa, who in turn heard it from the person involved: 

This person was the melamed (teacher) of the holy R’ Shalom of Skohl, zt”l. After marrying the daughter of the Ahavas Yisrael of Vizhnitz, zt”l, the melamed was sent from Belz to Vizhnitz to continue learning with the Rebbe. Before Rosh Hashanah, he returned home to Belz. When he came to take leave of his Rebbe, the Belzer Rebbe, zt”l, before traveling back to Vizhnitz, the Rebbe asked him to wait a moment. The Rebbe then performed an elaborate netilat yadayim (ritual hand-washing), and afterward said, “Please give my regards to my mechutan in Vizhnitz.” 

  

When he recounted in Vizhnitz how the Rebbe of Belz had prepared himself before sending greetings by washing his hands, the Vizhnitzer Rebbe responded, “It makes sense that I love him—because he learns Torah lishmah (for its own sake). But I don’t understand why he loves me!” 

  

When the melamed returned to Belz and conveyed this, the Rebbe replied, “That’s exactly why I love him—because he doesn’t understand what there is to love about himself.” 

Arrogance and Strife 

This is why the Torah was not given on the highest or most majestic mountain, but rather on the lowly and humble Mount Sinai. The taller mountains are seen as flawed, for arrogance is considered a spiritual blemish. A person who is arrogant finds no favor in the eyes of Hashem or people—and as a result, cannot truly connect to Hashem through the study of Torah. 

As the Gemara (Megillah 29a) states on the verse “Why do you leap, O lofty mountains?”—a heavenly voice proclaimed: “Why do you seek to contend with Sinai? You are all blemished compared to Sinai.” The word “lofty” used here is the same as the term for certain physical defects listed elsewhere in Torah. Rav Ashi said: From here we learn that a haughty person is considered blemished. 

This explains why the Shechinah (Divine Presence) does not rest upon someone who is arrogant. This trait makes someone disliked and disrespected. The person feels frustrated and angry, and his relationships are riddled with strife, making it difficult to live peacefully with others. And peace is a prerequisite for the Shechinah to dwell. 

There are many reasons why arrogance leads to conflict. Pride causes a person to shift blame for their own failures onto others and to lash out in anger. The arrogant individual often feels underappreciated or insufficiently honored, and this sense of injustice fuels their resentment and rage. 

The Destruction of Anger 

Uncontrolled anger destroys countless lives and families. 

Chazal teaches (Nedarim 22a), “Whoever becomes angry is ruled by all forms of Gehinnom.” This means that anger brings consequences akin to hell—right here in this world. 

A person gripped by anger loses clarity; even if he is wise, his wisdom departs, and sound judgment escapes him. He may scream, insult, or even strike others like someone who has lost his mind. Later, when he realizes how foolish he acted, he becomes even angrier—once again blaming others—and the cycle repeats. 

He pushes people away, becomes despised, and ultimately fails to preserve his dignity or position. As Chazal says (Kiddushin 41a), “A short-tempered person gains only his temper.” All he earns is frustration and loss, with no benefit at all. 

Destroying Families 

Anger between husband and wife is especially destructive. It often leads to divorce—with all its pain, regret, and disruption—and devastates the family, especially the children who suffer the most. 

Even when the couple stays together, a lack of peace and unity damages the home. A stable and harmonious foundation is essential for raising children. When parents pull in different directions, the children grow confused and cannot be guided properly. And when spouses fail to show honor to one another, their children will not respect them either. This weakens the bond between parent and child—a bond that is crucial for raising children in the path of Torah. 

Particularly harmful is the anger of parents or teachers toward children. Such anger stifles a child’s growth and destroys their potential. Instead of developing their strengths, the child learns to lie, rebel, or seek negative influences. This is one of the root causes of the emotional and spiritual struggles we see in so many children today. 

When rebuke comes from a place of anger, it is not accepted. That’s why Chazal said (Avot 2:5): “An irritable person cannot teach.” The Sefer Chassidim (section 306) tells the story of a father who replaced his son’s teacher mid-year after realizing the man was prone to anger. 

The Harm of Arrogance 

Thus, the Torah warns us in “From Mount Hor to the approach of Chamat, and the border extends to Tzidah.”: 

“From Mount Hor“—if one acts with arrogance like a towering mountain—”you will turn toward Chamas (rage)“—you will be drawn into anger and fury. “And the border will extend to Tzidah“—your descendants will be drawn off the straight path, swerving away from the boundary of holiness, Heaven forbid. 

Therefore, one must make a sincere effort to overcome arrogance. By doing so, he will merit a life of inner peace, lasting fulfillment, and genuine connection with others. 

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The Kalever Rebbe is the seventh Rebbe of the Kaalov Chasidic dynasty, begun by his ancestor who was born to his previously childless parents after receiving a blessing from the Baal Shem Tov zy”a, and later learned under the Maggid of Mezeritch zt”l. The Rebbe has been involved in outreach for more than 30 years and writes weekly emails on understanding current issues through the Torah. Sign up at www.kaalov.org.