4 G’s for a Good Night

With all the distractions of Western life, we’re not used to being with our thoughts. Subconsciously, the quiet scares us. It’s a call to be with ourselves…

4 min

Rivka Malka Perlman

Posted on 18.12.2018

When the day is over and I get into bed, I’m tired. My body is ready for rest. My mind wants to relax. The best thing for me to do is to go to sleep.


But sometimes I don’t.


What happens instead is that I find ways to stay up later and later and later so that instead of being pleasantly tired, I’m exhausted.


I’ve noticed that there is a direct correlation between how I go to sleep and how I wake up.


When I go to sleep working myself to exhaustion or watching a useless video I wake up in a fog. I have no zing in my step. I’m not focused. I stumble out of bed to wake the children and go through the motions but I don’t feel great.


But when I go to sleep consciously, I have a fantastic sleep and I wake up refreshed and ready to start the day, There’s clarity zipping around in my veins and I’m primed for the day.


What does it mean to go to bed consciously and if it’s so great why don’t I do it every night?


What is it inside of us that resists simply getting into bed and going to sleep?


When it’s nighttime and all the activity dies down, we are left with nothing but our thoughts.


With all the distractions of Western life, we’re not used to being with our thoughts. Subconsciously, the quiet scares us. It’s a call to be with ourselves, with our truth – and that can be uncomfortable (or send you into a quiet panic!)


So what do we do?


At the exact time when we can finally be with ourselves and connect internally, we do everything we can to disconnect.


Many of us are so used to going to bed with our phones that we don’t even realize what we’re missing.


The few minutes before you go to sleep are critical. You are not only ending your day; you are setting the stage for your night time soul journey. Spiritually, when you go to sleep, a portion of your soul returns to Hashem and is plugged in to its Source. You get the gift of a nightly reboot.


Psychologically, when you sleep, you process the day's events and integrate your experiences.


A lot happens when we sleep. While the body may be resting, the soul and the brain is very active.


Going to bed consciously means honoring this journey – the journey of your life and the day that you just had on this earth and the journey that your soul is about to embark on.


How you do that is going to look different for everyone but one thing is certain – it matters more than you think.


For me, here’s what it looks like when I go to bed consciously.


To wind down I light a scented candle. As the fragrance fills the air, I clean my room a bit. I take care of nightly hygiene. I let peace settle in.


I plug my phone in for the night and choose not to pick it up again besides for setting my alarm. (I notice a bit of separation anxiety when I do that – wow, what an indicator that this thing has too much of a grip.)


I get into bed and take out a notebook. I journal a bit. I review the day and the thank-You's come pouring from my pen. There is so much to thank Hashem for and so much to put in His hands! I write until I’m done.


Sometimes, I put on some quiet harp music and write my 4 G’s. This is a mini cheshbon hanefesh (accounting of the soul.)


The 4 G’s are:  


My Goods. (The things I’m proud of.)


My Goofs. (The things I’m not proud of and want to apologize for and improve on.)


My Gifts.  (A list of things I’m grateful for).


My Goals. (Setting a clear, action-oriented intention for the next day.)


(Occasionally, I do the 4 G’s as part of my children’s bedtime as well.)


When I’m done, I feel full.


I lay down. There is a moment of discomfort as I find myself alone with my thoughts and no pen or distractions. I breathe. I have nothing to be afraid of. If more plans or worries come to me, I give them up to Hashem. I am with Hashem. Hashem is with me. I cannot believe He gave me another day of life. I breathe in His loving presence until I fall asleep.


Every part of life is a gift. The way to receive the gift of bedtime is to be with it. If you have been going to bed with distractions I hope that you are willing to try a different way.  You may not be able to do this every night. It’s a habit, just like distraction is a habit. It will take effort at first, and even continued effort after you get used to it. But hang in there. The rewards are immediate. The benefits are enormous. Your self-esteem and self-worth will rise. Your presence in your life will be more content and stable. You will feel your connection to your soul more strongly and you will end your day in the loving embrace of Hashem.



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Following a near death experience, I’m on a mission to help every woman discover G-d’s unconditional love for her (Including myself!). My work as a Transformation Coach was born out of my own transformation – a time when I literally needed to decompose and become something new.  Through this pain I received gifts that I always wanted but always felt short of: Emunah, self-love, boundaries, deep, meaningful healthy friendships, forgiveness and a wellspring of joy.  I call it Redemption – and I want it for every single person I meet.

Join me for coaching, live events and courses and find your own Redemption – Follow me on YouTube:

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