To Feel Ya

Dear parents and educators, this article is for you. Can you guess what the following words describe in the eyes of your teen?

A. Surprise tests

B. Homework

C. Prayer

D. Detention

If you answered any of the following except for C, I wish you were correct, but the truth is that more and more young religious teens are completely disconnected from prayer.

We as the parents and teachers need to take a good look in the mirror, because this didn’t just happen overnight. This is a response to a generation that has nearly lost its grip on praying with dedication. Now to our great sorrow, many guys see tefilla as a gruesome burden which just needs to get done. There is in many cases no yearning whatsoever. Our kids don’t understand why we need it, or how to derive pleasure from it. All it is in their eyes is just a race to get done.

It’s something so bizarre to see nearly a hundred observant teens all pray mincha in less than two minutes. This my friends, fellow parents, teachers and rabbis is utter failure. We are at fault and have failed to sanctify Hashem’s name. We aren’t being happy with our Judaism, and the kids are picking up on it. It’s as if we think we don’t need prayer. That all that matters is Torah learning. But Rebbe Nachman in Sichot Haran says that this is foolish. “It’s as if people think they have a grip on Torah, but to stand before Hashem and ask for their needs is too lofty.” We need to rethink things through and see what kind of example we are setting.

As Rav Arush points out in his Hebrew book “Successful Children,” that when we get to the next world they will say “Great job – you kept the Torah very nicely! BUT WHERE ARE YOUR KIDS? THEY HAVEN’T FOLLOWED YOU.” The sad situation doesn’t just lie with our kids. In fact it might only be a slight bit better in our generation, but who really cares. What’s most important is the children and teens and how they will lead in the future. To put it bluntly, we are in trouble.

So what do we do? I believe that the answer lies within our self-confidence to be open followers of Rav Shalom Arush. You see within the yeshiva world lies the taboo of being connected to Rabbi Nachman and prayer. It’s almost seen as not allowed in some circles! What we need to do is to really get serious about living our Torah lives in the direction of the tzaddik.

Things you can do:

1. Start doing hitbodedut (preferably for an hour a day) talking to Hashem about your life (see In Forest Fields) and talk to people about hitbodedut. Many people have no idea that personal prayer is the original way of how our ancestors prayed. Last time I checked King David did not have a prayer book. No! He poured out his heart and emotions and that’s why till this day we cry out Psalms.

2. Set the example, elevate yourself to pray the Amida prayer for at least 10-15 minutes. Be strong and keep to this. If it’s hard then dedicate yourself to at least one prayer a day for that amount of time.

3. If you are a new parent start now by taking your children to the synagogue and show them the joy in prayer. Teach them certain prayers like “Shema Yisrael” with a smile.

5. Stop pressuring your kids about following along. Instead smile at your son and hand him something sweet, or a note saying how you’re proud of him for something positive he did. Relax and know that it’s all Hashem. Let Go – Let God! Our job is to make the beit midrash and synagogue non-threatening. Many teens feel so much pressure that they are being watched. Our job is to chill out and set a proper example of one who prays with dedication.

6. Park yourself away from your friends, and stand opposite a wall so no one can walk in front of you. This will lead to you being able to focus more on your prayers and also build your confidence in what you are doing. Take note that in the beginning you might be hesitant to be up there while all your buddies are in the back. But soon you’ll be soaring in your prayers and your buddies will follow you!

7. Share every bit of strengthening that you get from Rav Arush’s books with people you think you may be able to influence.

Take these steps! Soon our kids will succeed beyond our dreams in feeling Hashem.