Melancholy Molly

Dear Racheli,

A few years ago, my husband and I were introduced to Breslev.co.il. He has been tremendously enjoying all of the articles and Rabbi Brody’s talks online, as have I. However, he is the only one who seems to be changing for the better. As much as I am trying to improve myself, I find that I am getting more and more depressed. I spend most mornings crying around the house, sometimes not leaving the house for days. I can’t keep up with the mess, and the house is a disaster. I don’t know what to do!

Molly

Dear Molly,

The first thing I would suggest is doing a mental review to see if there was something specific that triggered your feelings of depression. If you find that you did indeed suffer a trauma, the best thing for you would be to meet with an  emuna-based psychotherapist.

Since I don’t know when or why your symptoms started, plus the fact that I’m not a psychologist, I can’t say for sure that you’re really suffering from depression. But, for my purposes, it doesn’t really matter. What I want to focus on is your day-to-day behavior.

Molly, my hunch is that, no matter why you’re sad, your sadness is aggravated because you’re not doing anything productive with your life. The evil inclination is doing a number on you, my dear! One of his favorite tricks is to keep people focused on themselves. When we start to focus on ourselves, we start to find all kinds of things that are wrong with our lives. Shocking, I know.

It wouldn’t be too hard to make a never-ending list of what we’re missing in our lives, if we were only given the time to do it! And that, Molly, is the key. In my opinion, you’ve got too much time on your hands! Even though you have plenty of housework to do, and maybe kids to clean up after, you’re behaving as if you have a full-time staff to do all of your chores for you. Oh, would I love one of those…

I would assume that you don’t work, because if you did, you certainly wouldn’t have time to spend all morning crying! Do you see what I’m getting at, Molly?

You need to get out of the house!

And when you’re out of the house, you should focus on two things, and shopping isn’t one of them. First thing: exercise! Join a women’s gym, go for power walks, go swimming, whatever – you need to do something active, outside. Even people who aren’t depressed start to go crazy if they’re stuck in the house for too long. Being active will get your endorphins flowing, and you’ll get that awesome high that comes after a good workout, or eating lots of chocolate.

Second thing: volunteer! This will really help put a smile back on your face. Focusing on helping others is the antithesis of depression. Since the yetzer wants you to focus on yourself, there is no better way to neutralize him than to focus on others! Pick an organization that will allow you to have personal contact with other people. Even being the person that hands food over in a soup kitchen is a wonderful chesed, especially if it’s done with a smile.

Getting out of the house is an important first step at overcoming your sadness. But, it’s still an external aspect of the solution. There is a vital internal aspect as well, and that is to say, “Thank You!”

What is the root of sadness? Ingratitude! When we’re sad, we’re so busy looking at what’s wrong with our lives, we don’t bother to pay attention to the blessings that we do have! By thanking Hashem for our blessings, we begin to realize that we have much more than we think we do. Molly, I want you to make a daily list of 10 blessings that you recognize. It’s totally okay to repeat the same things day after day, but make an effort to write down a few new blessings each day. This way, you will see with your own eyes how fortunate you really are, and God willing, your sadness will begin to disappear. A great CD for you to listen to in your car is “Why Are You Sad?” Listen to it, like, a million times.

There is one more thing that you should do: you must read Rav Shalom Arush’s incredible book, The Garden of Gratitude. There is no greater self-help book than this. Gratitude is not only the #1 foolproof depression killer, but it’s also the secret to receiving every blessing in life. Rebbe Nachman says that emuna is what will bring the Redemption. But, in order to have emuna, you must first have gratitude!

Molly, I am confident that these tools will enable you to make quick and dramatic progress. Before you know it, your sadness will be a distant memory, and the only thing you’ll be crying about is the piles and piles of laundry! I’m sorry to say I have no cure for that…

Sincerely,

Racheli