Don’t Say You’re Too Old!

I am 66 years old. For 65 years of my life I had no awareness of Emuna, I had very, very little knowledge of Jewish history. I rarely went to religious services, even skipping the high holy days. I lived a life that welcomed worldly experiences and thought of myself as Jewish in name only. I found fault with the Orthodox way of life, as being archaic.
 
Then, about 7 months ago, after a difficult experience in my work life, I started to listen to CD lectures of Rabbi Shalom Arush, delivered in English by Rabbi Brody, that were given to me by my son, a Baal Teshuva Rabbi. My interest in Judaism began to grow and I was stimulated like I had never been before to learn and practice Judaism.
 
Prior to this awakening, my life had been one that would have made a great story for a captivating novel. Without going into extensive detail, let me tell you that I had many accomplishments at a very young age, and I was very well known among my peers. I was recognized as being very intelligent, very ambitious, and my ego soared. But, I was also involved in many negative, non-spiritual experiences. And even when I was in very serious situations that threatened my personal safety and financial stability, unknown to me, Hashem was there for me to protect me and to assist me financially. At this time I never thought of Hashem, yet Hashem thought of me.
 
Now I ask myself why would Hashen have been there for me when I was not there for Hashem?
 
Many years of my life were spent without awareness of Hashem's presence. Once I became aware of Hashem and of emuna, I reflected upon the realization that all my life Hashem has been directing me to Rabbi Arush. All my life has been a preamble to me now discovering emuna. And all the negative experiences I partook in were messages from Hashem for me to awaken, yet I did not. The fact that my prior life was so filled with negative spiritual experiences and, with all that, Hashem has still directed me to a path of emuna, is absolute proof to me that Hashem loves me and wants me to work on my soul correction. It has also made me realize that anyone-no matter what acts they have previously committed can find emuna and become closer to Hashem.
 
I am just a beginner trying to continue the serious study and practice of Judaism. that I have started. I am making very slow, but I think, steady progress. I think about and pray to Hashem many many times throughout the day. I read and re-read passages from the Garden of Emuna and the Garden of Gratitude daily. All this has definitely turned my life around from the way I lived it in the past. Yet, I know that I must continue to seek emuna, no matter what apparent obstacles present themselves, knowing that it is the absolute key to my spiritual growth and success.
 
Anyone can tread the path to emuna, if they have the desire to do so and change their life. Desire is a necessary pre-requisite. Gratitude to Hashem for everything he has provided, as well as daily personal prayer are the additional necessary steps you must take to begin and continue on the journey to achieve complete emuna. Don't say you're too old, either. Rebbe Nachman says that as long as the candle is burning, one can still correct.