Kids Want Games

Dear Racheli,

We live in an Orthodox neighborhood, and most people here don’t have T.V. or video games. However, one of my 7-year-old son’s friends plays video games, and lately he’s been begging me to buy him one. I try to explain that they’re not allowed, but it isn’t getting through to him. How can I get him to stop asking me for them?

Miri

Miri,

This is a fantastic question, and actually paints a bigger picture than you might think.

There are two major issues going on here. First, let’s address your son’s desire to play video games. Rabbi Lazer Brody has a famous quote when referring to subjects like this: “If you give a kid the choice between a Gemara and a video game, he’ll choose the game.”

Big surprise. I can’t think of any kid that would instinctively be attracted to a Gemara over a video game. I don’t know about you, but I grew up with my Judaism limited to Friday night dinners; hence, I spent a lot of time wasting time. I would even expand Rabbi Brody’s quote and add, “If you give a kid the choice between homework and video games, he’ll choose the games!”

It’s clear that most parents don’t really understand the spiritual dangers of exposing our children to video games and such. Rav Shalom Arush puts it like this: “If your kid’s friend had a contagious disease, would you let your kid go to his house to play?” N-O! “If your kid’s friend ate shrimp cocktails and cheeseburgers, and you are strictly kosher, would you let your kid go to his house?” Double N-O!

Why? Because you don’t want your kid catching any of that garbage. So what’s the difference between video games and a contagious disease? Absolutely nothing.

Our kids can get infected in either case; one may have physical symptoms, but the other has spiritual symptoms- and those are usually much harder to cure. Furthermore, I think that the reason we as Torah-observant parents are a bit too lax with this is because we don’t see the effects of the disease right away. It could take years of suppression on our kids’ behalf and ignorance of the festering growth on our behalf until BAM! One day your kid is walking around with a severe allergic reaction to anything Torah-related.

Miri, there is no easy answer for this one. You simply cannot let your son be exposed to poison like this. Either you ban him from going to the kid’s house, or make an agreement with his mother that there will be no video game playing or any similar activities going on when your son goes to their house. Personally, the first choice is harder, but I believe it’s better for your son in the long run. If they’re already letting their kid play games, who knows what else is going on in their supposed Torah-observant home?

But don’t think this entire situation is bad. And here’s the second part of the issue: this is a great opportunity for you and your husband. Hashem has put you in a situation that forces you to do some self-examination. You see, now is the perfect opportunity for you both to examine your desires and take a good, honest look at your lifestyle.

You say you’re frum- but ask yourself these questions. Does your husband dedicate time every day to Torah learning? Do you listen to or attend Torah classes on a regular basis? Do either one of you spend a bit too much time online? Is your husband addicted to his Blackberry? Are the books in your home exclusively Torah-related, or are there plenty of other types of books? What about the kids’ books?

Furthermore, do you and your husband make Judaism and Hashem the foundation and primary focus of your lives?Are your kids growing up in a home that has the feeling of holiness? Are they getting a daily dose of Hashem in their conversations with you?

What about your husband? Does his Judaism carry over into his work ethic and general consciousness? I could go on and on, but I think you get my point.

Hashem uses kids like a mirror- they magnify every blemish you have. If you find that you and your husband are indeed lacking a connection with Hashem beyond the routine prayers and observances, it’s time for you to head out to the field and work on your personal prayer. This is also an excellent opportunity to give your son a new way to channel his energy and desires as well. Teach him how to talk to Hashem about what’s going on with his life. Not only will it open up a tremendous avenue of expression for your son, but it will also make your relationship with him that much closer.

In a world where there are too many distractions and temptations, it’s easy to entirely miss the spiritual purpose of being Jewish. The whole point of your Jewish lifestyle is to bring you closer to Hashem. And what better way is there than to talk to Him?

You’re lucky that your son is still young and can be easily influenced by these simple and profound changes you will make as a family. May you all grow together in happiness and spiritual purity, and experience Judaism as the beautiful world it was meant to be.

With blessings, Racheli