Successful Education 

Translated from Rabbi Arush’s feature article in the weekly Chut shel Chessed newsletter. The articles focus on his main message: “Loving others as yourself”. 

 

An Exercise in Patience 

Our generation is the generation of instant gratification. Everything is quick. The tiniest delay drives us crazy. The moment we encounter a difficulty or something that hampers us, we engage in a double tactic: First, we try to force reality to surrender to us, and if that doesn’t work, we throw up our hands and give up completely.  

The truth is that this never works. There is a long way that is short and a short way that is long. If you take the short way, you never reach your goal. The only way to go in life is the long way. The way of patience.  

This is true for every area in life. If you want to see deep and real change, you need much patience, a lot of waiting, and many prayers, plus diligence and consistency.  

And if you still think there are areas in life where you will be able to succeed quickly if you apply a bit of force – in the long run you will always be sorry you did.  

The area in which this is most noticeable is that of raising children. One needs so much patience when educating the young. You cannot force a child to be educated against his or her will. Children are children, and they have their own petty desires, just like you have yours. You may have a bit of da’at (knowledge/understanding) – but the child doesn’t have even that yet. And no one has yet invented the pill that gives a person da’at, and certainly not a child. 

With children, one must persist in teaching them for years, patiently and with warmth. True, sometimes you have to be hard on them. But if you achieve a temporary success by use of force – you should know that it’s not true success. 

True success is only when the child comes to things on his own, wants on his own!! When a boy comes to his father and wants to learn with him beyond the usual set times for study, or when he wants to pray at greater length; when a daughter comes and tells her mother she wants clothes that are more modest, or that she wants to help at home more – that is success. Finally, the child is wanting something on his own. Not because of environment, or society, or whatever frameworks he’s in, and not because of any external coercion – neither punishments or prizes. Only that can be considered success. 

It won’t help to tempt the child with prizes and sweet words, because no one has control over a child’s heart – only the Creator. And every child has his or her rate of growth. Our main task as parents is to do everything we can with much patience, without giving up and without expecting immediate results. Be prepared to labor for many years. 

 

The Longed-for Moment Comes 

The Creator has so much patience. “For forty years I was angry with the generation”. The Creator of the world takes an entire nation and wishes to educate them. It is true that everything seemingly goes well, except for some small failures here and there. But, still, the education is not really successful. For forty years everything remains external – and blocked. And the Creator is waiting patiently, day after day, year after year. 

Of course, the Creator could have made them completely righteous, but he wanted it to come from them. As Rabbi Nachman says, if the Holy One, Blessed Be He will do the work for us, “then Hashem yitbarach will serve Himself by Himself.” So, for forty years, the Creator showed the Jewish People miracles and signs, sent them great tzaddikim, the Mishkan (Tabernacle), Torah, prophecy – a veritable tsunami of education, but still, there was no da’at.  

It is here, in our parsha, that the turnaround occurs. Finally, something moves. Let us read the text: “And Hashem didn’t give you a heart to know and eyes to see and ears to hear until this day.” Rashi explains: “And Hashem didn’t give you a heart to know – to recognize the kindnesses of the Holy One, Blessed Be He and to cleave to him.” You saw so much, you heard so much – and yet, nothing. You do not appreciate it, and you do not understand that the purpose is to attach yourselves to Hashem. The main point of Judaism is missing.  

But that was true only “until this day” – up to this day. Today, the desired change has finally took place. 

What happened? 

Rashi tells us the secrets from “behind the scenes”: “I heard that the day that Moshe gave the scroll of the Torah to the sons of Levi, as it says, ‘and he gave it to the Cohanim, the descendants of Levi’, all of Yisrael came to Moshe and said to him: ‘Moshe Rabbeinu, we too stood at Sinai and received the Torah and it was given to us, and here you are putting the members of your tribe in charge of it, and tomorrow they will say to us, it was not given to you, it was given to us’. Moshe was happy about this, and said to them: ‘Today you have become a nation’ etc. Today I have understood that you are cleaving to Hashem and want Him.” 

In other words, the Jewish people felt they were being sidelined and were afraid that the day might come when they will have no part in the Torah, chalila, and they came to Moshe Rabbeinu with a claim: “Why should we be deprived?” We cannot accept this. We want an eternal part in the Torah. Only then did Moshe understand that his educational efforts had been successful: the Jewish people had developed an intrinsic wish. It took forty years, but in the end it happened. And when it happened, Hashem gave them a heart to know. Because when a desire for something arises from the person himself, Hashem can help him and give him the da’at, which is the most valuable thing in this world. 

 

The True Solution 

This is one of life’s big secrets, and it is the basis of all service of Hashem. When a person awakens on his own and wants to come closer to Hashem – only then does Hashem give him da’at. Only then does he begin to feel love of Hashem and fear of Him in his heart, and he then receives eyes that really see and ears that really hear. 

And that is what Rabbeinu said: “The main thing is the ratzon (desire/will).” Without real, internal, self-generated ratzon – the eyes are closed and the ears are blocked. No matter what you explain or say, do or show a person – he will not see and he will not hear, and certainly he won’t understand. There is no heart and no da’at.  

But when the ratzon begins to arise in a person, then “In the way a person wishes to go, that is where he is led.” And then he can receive Heavenly help in coming closer; Hashem will open things up for him and give him da’at and new understanding. 

Shlomo HaMelech was the wisest of all men and when he became king, Hashem asked him: “Request what I should give you.” Shlomo asked only for a “listening heart” – not listening ears; because when there is da’at in the heart, there is everything. As Chazal said, “When that (da’at) is in him, everything is in him.” 

But if a person has no heart, and no eyes and no ears – where do you begin? How does one acquire the ratzon? The beginning is in knowing. The person learns what should be, what he needs to do, what he is supposed to feel. In the beginning he knows it as a dry piece of knowledge. It’s only in his brain, and still far from his heart.  

If you begin to want, and ask from Hashem what you know in your intellect, even without a heart, you just want what you know to be true, that will already open all the gates to the service of Hashem.  

A person doesn’t know how great the power of this ratzon is. The ratzon sometimes seems like something simple and meaningless. You think, what will it give me if I empower my desires and yearnings? But the truth is that the ratzon is the strongest power in creation. It is the force behind all service of Hashem and all success in life.  

We are now in the month of Elul. Sometimes it seems that we have no chance of making real changes. We can’t see how we are going to do it, can’t understand how one gets there. And the solution is the ratzon. 

Why can’t you see or understand how you can succeed? Because Hashem has not yet given you da’at to understand. Therefore, do not look for solutions in your own understanding; rather, start wanting without knowing anything or understanding anything – just want a part in Torah and fear of Hashem and complete teshuva (repentance) – and then the Creator of the World will give you da’at, and then your eyes will open, together with all the gates of understanding, and you will find yourself in a completely different place, a place of holiness and purity and true service of Hashem.