Hashem is Right – Part 1

“What You want I want, and what You don’t want, neither do I.” –Rabbi Shalom Arush  

Does this mean and therefore accept the fact that Hashem does not want… and therefore don’t pray and ask for what Hashem doesn’t want?  

AG, Lakewood, NJ, USA 

When I say, ” If you want me to have this salvation then I want it too, and if you don’t want me to have this salvation then I don’t want it either.” – I find that when I think about the present moment, I can say it sincerely because if Hashem sees that it is for my own benefit to have this pain and not have salvation yet, then it is surely for my best. I find myself adding the words “right now” to the phrase.   
 

However, when I say it thinking about the future that if Hashem doesn’t want me to ever have the miracle I need, then I can’t say it wholeheartedly… what do I do?   

DVM, Monsey, NY 

Here are just two examples of this question but I’ve gotten it many times both by email and by phone. Based on the quote from Rabbi Arush in bold at the beginning of this article, there are tons of related questions: “Then why pray? Am I supposed to stop wanting the miracle/a soulmate/a child/whatever? How exactly am I supposed to say that I don’t want it anymore, when that’s the reason why I’m praying?”

I hope to give some more background to this quote in order to understand better what Rabbi Arush is trying to explain. First off, let me tell you one of my favorite miracle stories which Rabbi Arush told us in real time, piece by piece as it unfolded over some months: 

A couple did not have children for many years. The doctors told them they have no hope. They came to Rabbi Arush for advice. They did a pidyon nefesh, they thanked Hashem for half an hour a day, they thanked Hashem for 6 hours in the field, what did they not do? Yet nothing helped. Months passed; it wasn’t working! 

Rabbi Arush commented: “What’s there to do? The most important thing is missing – emuna! They are saying ‘thank you’ with their mouths, but they don’t truly BELIEVE that it’s for the best. They are still saying ‘please’ and ‘Ribbono shel Olam, WHY?’ in their hearts! So, the miracle hasn’t happened yet.” 

So, they came back to Rabbi Arush. “Kavod Harav, WHY isn’t it working?” Rabbi Arush told the wife, “I need you to be able to say with your whole heart: Hashem, if You don’t want me to have children, then I don’t want children!” 

The wife was shocked. “What?! Kavod Harav, you want me to say that I don’t want children?! Why am I here then?!” 

Rabbi Arush then explained, “You believe that everything Hashem does is good? And He has all the power? And He wants you to have children even more than you want it? OK, so why hasn’t He given you children yet? Because there is a good reason! If you could see what Hashem sees, if you knew what Hashem knows, if you could see the entire picture in Heaven, you would also be happy! You would also say that Hashem is right, I don’t want children either!” 

And Rabbi Arush was thrilled to announce a short while later – the woman was pregnant!!! 

The wife finally got it – emuna. To truly believe that Hashem knows what He is doing. Of course she wants children, and no one is expecting her to stop wanting children. But now she finally understood that she needs to bow her head, and cancel her will to Hashem’s. 

To say, “You created the world, not me. I know You can give me children. So, if you aren’t, then there must be a good reason. So, thank You, Hashem, that until this moment I still don’t have children. And if you want to give me children, wonderful! I’ll be thrilled! But if You don’t want me to have children ever, then I don’t want them, either. Because I know You want only the best for me, and if that’s the best for me, then so be it. Thank You, Hashem, I only want emuna, I only want to trust You, I only want what you want for me!” 

I hope that alone answers a lot of your questions!

Of course you’re allowed to want whatever it is that you need and are praying for. Of course you should want it – Hashem wants it! Hashem loves you! Hashem wants you to get married, and have children, and be healthy, and own a home, and be the biggest scholar and the most successful and everything! Find me a parent who doesn’t want every good for their child – tell me, could Hashem be anything less?  

In fact, that’s half the problem – that in thinking that Hashem hates you, that Hashem doesn’t want to give to you, that Hashem should do teshuva for not giving you after you’ve done X, Y, and Z (prayed, donated, did a pidyon, etc. etc.) – a person awakens stern judgements against himself because it’s the biggest insult to Hashem that you really think that!  

How could you think that about your Father in Heaven who created the world in order to reveal His mercy? What – just because you don’t understand what Hashem is doing and why? Excuse me, who are you that you should have all the answers? In this world you are supposed to just hold onto your emuna for dear life! Of course, you don’t understand or there would be no test – and therefore no reward! Recognize how small you are, how much you don’t see of your spiritual rectifications, your past lives, your purpose in this one and so much more – bow your head and thank Hashem because He does know what He is doing!!! And if you could see everything – you would say “Hashem, you’re right!” 

If you have more questions, send them my way! We can make it a series. rachel.avrahami@breslev.co.il 

 
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Rachel Avrahami grew up in Los Angeles, CA, USA in a far-off valley where she was one of only a handful of Jews in a public high school of thousands. She found Hashem in the urban jungle of the university. Rachel was privileged to read one of the first copies of The Garden of Emuna in English, and the rest, as they say, is history. She made Aliyah and immediately began working at Breslev Israel.   
 
Rachel is now the Editor of Breslev Israel’s English website. She welcomes questions, comments, articles, and personal stories to her email: rachel.avrahami@breslev.co.il.