Authority and Personal Example

“Every Jewish person possesses a certain amount of malchut, or literally “monarchy” but practically authority – each according to his level. There is one who is in control of his household, and there is one who is in control of more, and there is even one who has control over the whole world. This authority is sometimes revealed and sometimes hidden. For example, there could be a certain tzaddik who in his revealed malchut possesses no authority at all, however in his hidden malchut he is actually in charge of the entire generation, even over all the tzaddikim of the generation, for all their souls are under him and are subjugated to his authority.

“Every person must be especially careful to not make personal use of the authority he is given. It is not for his pleasure or for his needs, but rather only to be used in the service of Hashem alone. That is, he is responsible to caution and direct all those who are under his control to return to Hashem. If he is a ruler only over his household, than he must make sure that he cautions and guides his household in the service of Hashem, and if he is a ruler over more than that, each one according to his level, than it is incumbent upon him to caution and guide more and more people for this same purpose”  (Kitzur Likkutei Moharan 56: 1).

So how does one caution and guide others in the service of Hashem? The only real way is by being a personal example. In fact, this is especially true when it comes to one’s own wife and children. If you see your wife or children doing something wrong, you should know with certainty that it is only a reflection of a flaw within yourself.

As with everything in this creation, Hashem has made ‘this opposite to this.’ That is, He created both the potential to do everything in holiness as well as the potential to do it in unholiness. Malchut is no exception. Unholy malchut is when a person uses his power and control to force and coerce those beneath him to do his will. Even if you are trying to get your wife or children to improve in something for the sake of serving Hashem, it must not be done through force or coercion. This is not real and will only lead to strife and turmoil. No one likes a hypocritical dictator.

I remember once about ten years ago when I first started going to shul on Shabbat in Los Angeles. I came in and I saw how the Rabbi of the shul was talking nonstop to the congregants. ‘Good morning’ to this one, and ‘how have you been’ to that one, he just kept making his rounds amongst the congregants. When it finally came time for Torah reading, there was a call for quiet in the shul. I remember how ridiculous it looked to me to see that very same Rabbi who was himself talking nonstop the whole prayer service bang on the bimah and call for quiet. He did this repetitively throughout the Torah reading and nobody paid much attention to his request. Now, if he started zapping people with a laser gun, they probably would have complied, but they for sure would have hated him. I never did return to that shul…

Well, guess what, we do this same thing in our homes all the time with our wife and our kids. How can you expect your wife or kids to not do the very same thing that you yourself do? Let’s get real!

So now let us go to the side of holy malchut. This is accomplished by noticing the negative behavior in others and then instead of criticizing them, you actually do a self evaluation and make the appropriate changes in yourself. This is the real king who is able to lead by example. Not only will your family or those in your control love you, but you will also truly succeed in bringing them back to the service of Hashem, all without firing a single shot. This is essentially our true work here in this world, to see G-d in everything and realize that all that is happening in our lives is under His direct control. Not only that, but the purpose of everything that happens to us is to get us to make our soul correction and come closer to Hashem. When we make this personal correction and come closer to Hashem, we also bring all of those around us closer to Hashem too.

May we all be blessed with the true concept of malchut and merit having a positive influence on ourselves as well as on all those who have been entrusted into our care.