The Damage From Mixing

“Speak to the kohanim, the sons of Aaron, and say to them: Let none [of you] defile himself.” (Vayikra 21:1)   
 

The Tragedy in Meron

On Lag B’Omer in 1911, the usual crowd gathered around the tomb of Reb Shimon Bar Yochai to light the bonfire on the roof of his tomb. Suddenly, the roof caved in. Nine people perished in the accident and 50 others were injured. The tragedy reverberated throughout the Jewish communities. 
 

A group of Jews went to the famed Tzadik, the Baba Sali, zt”l, seeking answers. “For generations, the Jews would gather at the tomb and light bonfires. Why did this tragedy happen now?” they asked the Tzadik. 
 

The Baba Sali explained that there had been shift in the Jewish communities as of late. There were more co-ed parties and events, causing men and women to mingle together and promiscuity to seep into the Jewish culture. “The Sar of Ishmael,” continued the Bava Sali, “Has seen these behaviors and raised an accusation, a kitrog, in the Heavens. When the Jews gathered by the tomb of Reb Shimon Bar Yochai that year, it was a co-ed scene, with the young men and women mingling. The Sar of Ishmael saw this and seized the opportunity to bring this horror to the Jewish people.”  

Today’s Challenges 

We can clearly see the severity and seriousness in which the Jewish communities need to approach this culture of promiscuity that has begun to become more prevalent within the Jewish communities. It has led to the destruction of too many marriages. 
 

Over the last 50 years, society’s acceptable morals around this issue have eroded. We have clearly seen this in the field of education. A few decades ago, it was normal and acceptable for boys and girls to have separate schools and classes, even in the secular world. Now, co-ed schools have become the norm and education has suffered as a result. 
 

Nowadays, with the proliferation and usage of technology, social media, and the internet, we have seen the guard gates that surrounded kedusha, holiness, become completely obliterated. Young boys and girls are being assaulted with the depravities present in those mediums, and it impacts their ability to learn and evolve intellectually. The yetzer harah is constantly trying to lure them into temptation and, with each success, the students’ minds and their ability to concentrate is being weakened. Therefore, we are seeing test scores across the board dropping. 
 

Many people mistakenly think that there is no choice. They feel that technology is making learning easier and more productive. You must have co-ed schools nowadays. The entire concept of being careful around yichud (avoiding seclusion with the opposite sex) and shomer negiah (avoiding physical contact with members of the opposite sex) is deemed antiquated and unnecessary. This mistake is understandable when you look around and see what has become acceptable in today’s society. 
 

However, the exact opposite is true. With the spiritual weakening of this generation, coupled with the ever-increasing temptations only enhanced by technology, more diligence and more fences are required to protect yourself and your children to ensure that you remain connected to kedusha, to holiness and purity. You must remain steadfast and committed, always trying to protect you and your children from the temptations and behaviors that will, in the end, destroy the very fabric of the life you are trying to build. For example, you need to ensure now more than ever that even at an early age, boys and girls are not learning together in the same building. 
 

Our sages and tsaddikim throughout the generations, have always reacted to the trends in society by enacting new traditions, laws, and customs to try and protect the Jewish people. During the times of the Temple, there was a degradation of the Simchat Beit Shoeivah. Therefore, the sages instituted that the women should stand on the outskirts of the procession. Then, when there were institutionalized shuls, they instituted mechitzot (barriers). When the attire became more promiscuous, they required taller and more prominent mechitzot. All these efforts were created to defend the Jewish people from new and evolving influences in society.  

Our Foundation 

Ensuring that your kedusha is intact is more important than anything else. In the seforim Hakaddoshim, the middah that represents kedusha is Yesod¸ which also means “foundation”. Kedusha is the foundation upon which everything else in your life must be built. When the foundation is damaged, the entire structure comes crashing down and you become disinterested in Torah and mitzvot, you feel disconnected and uninspired. 
 

When my ancestor Reb Yitzchak Isaac from Kaalov became the Rebbe in Kaalov and the neighboring towns, he was shocked to see that the community’s weddings had mixed dancing and the mingling between the men and woman. The Rebbe accredited this behavior for the poor spiritual state of the community. What did he do to fix the situation? He told the townspeople that he wanted to attend every wedding from beginning to end. Inevitably, there would only be one wedding a night as a result. And, as long as the Rebbe was there, no one thought to have mixed dancing. In a short amount of time, the community completely transformed, spiritually and physically. 
 

I once visited a yeshiva that was negligent in this area of kedusha. The boys mingled and socialized with the girls. When I spoke to each of the boys privately, I made them promise me that they would stop this behavior. One of the more popular boys later convinced the group that it was inappropriate to make a promise even for something that was a mitzvah and they all went back on the promise. Years later, one of those boys came to visit me and he told me what had happened. The student added that in short order the popular boy had become so lost and distant from Yiddishkeit that he was even eating on Yom Kippur.  

Build Stronger Fences 

Therefore, it is critical that you protect yourselves and your children from the temptations that will destroy your kedusha. You need to try and send your children to schools where the boys and girls are separate. And, as the summer months approach, you need to be careful where you go, what you see and what you do. Build stronger fences. 
 

This is what Hashem was telling Moshe. As Aaron was about to begin his service and enter a completely new realm of kedusha¸ Hashem says, “Speak to the kohanim, the sons of Aaron…” Rashi explains that it says “sons” to exclude the “daughters”. He was to teach them separately. And, this process, being cautious about co-ed education, would ensure, “Let none [of you] defile himself…” Impurities would not defile their holiness. 

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The Kalever Rebbe is the seventh Rebbe of the Kaalov Chasidic dynasty, begun by his ancestor who was born to his previously childless parents after receiving a blessing from the Baal Shem Tov zy”a, and later learned under the Maggid of Mezeritch zt”l. The Rebbe has been involved in outreach for more than 30 years, and writes weekly emails on understanding current issues through the Torah. You can sign up at www.kaalov.org.