The Instant Generation

Part and parcel of modern society’s ceaseless rush and agitation is a lack of calmness and contentedness and inner harmony; there is no serenity, or patience with anything or anyone. And this leads to one of the worst things in the world – anger. Anger at those who "impede our progress" in trying to keep abreast of our daily lives. Unfortunately this is felt everywhere, and most especially and tragically in the home, with the people one is closest to.

 

Apart from our "high" standard of living, we also have "high" expectations. We are the "instant generation" that demands and expects everything we want instantly; and the effect of having everything so readily available is our belief that this is how it should be.

 

 

Because of this mindset we have no patience to wait; we feel deprived of what is our so-called "rights" if what we want is not available when we think it should be (like yesterday). Any delay in the fulfillment of our expectations is not tolerated because our "rights" have not been respected and that makes us angry.

 

The result is demands and insults, which are reciprocated in kind. Rage and shouting follow and long after the argument is over one is left with smoldering resentment in one’s heart that one was "exploited".

 

Anger is very dangerous because it’s like a fire that consumes everything in its path; and in truth that is exactly what it does. A person can "burn" and ruin every single thing in his life, because in a fit of rage, unable to control himself he will say and do things he would never do in a normal frame of mind.

 

When in the grip of anger, a man is capable of smashing up everything in his home and life.

 

But even if he doesn’t go so far as to physically break anything he can do so mentally. A man who is always angry will lash out at his family so that they live in constant terror; the result is a dysfunctional home and broken lives. In the end, if they have not been totally crushed by his anger his family will leave him.

 

And even if someone doesn’t go as far as that, the damage to relationships that anger wreaks is incalculable; it too can destroy home and family.

 

Angry parents are liable to destroy their children who live in constant fear of them until they’re able to leave home; the effects of that anger can last a lifetime and cause untold heartache and anguish to the children.

 

We’ve discussed the damage anger can cause and we will now look at what the Torah’s point of view is of an angry person, but before we do so we will demonstrate the point with a case-history.

 

A few hundred years ago a woman had an argument with her husband (yes, it’s been with us all the centuries), and in a fit of rage ran out of the house immodestly dressed.

 

So serious an infringement of halochoh is immodesty that the Torah says that a husband must divorce his wife and send her away from his home without even her kesubah.

 

The case was brought before the Beis Din and the ruling was as follows: A person who has succumbed to a fit of rage has lost control of themselves and is considered a shoteh – insane, and incapable of keeping the mitzvos of the Torah.

 

[There are only three types of people who are considered incapable of keeping the mitzvos, a cheresh (a deaf-mute) a shoteh (someone who is insane) and a koton (a minor before bar or bas-mitzvah)]

 

Because the woman, at the time of her anger was considered insane she was not held responsible for her actions and hence her husband did not have to divorce her.

 

From this we can see how terrible the midoh of anger is according to the Torah, to the extent that at the time of their anger a person is considered to be insane.

 

The Tanya writes: "The defining quality of man over an animal is his wisdom; wisdom is the starting point for growth in every human being. It leads to understanding and knowledge, which in turn generate the middos of love, kindness and compassion (an animal can never reach this level). These are the virtues of a wise man. But a person who is angry is considered as one who has not yet acquired any wisdom".

 

Some people are born with more intense and emotional natures while others are born with less intense and calmer natures. Those with more intense natures will have a lower level of tolerance and tend to get angry more frequently but they can’t be "blamed" for this; because of their intense nature they tend to get agitated and worked up more easily than a calmer person.

 

But even though their nature predisposes them to becoming agitated they cannot say "this is my nature and I can’t change it". They must make the effort to overcome it because the devastation that anger causes is horrendous and they will be the loser.

 

When you’re enraged your thoughts are not as level-headed as when you’re calm because they’re biased by your anger,

 

An angry person is so intensely involved in his feelings that he fails to see things objectively or to realize the damage that will result from his anger; he loses perspective and doesn’t pay attention to what he’s saying, how he’s saying it and where he’s saying it. His anger leads him to making faulty decisions and to doing things he wouldn’t do in a calmer frame of mind, such as impulsively leaving a job and breaking up important friendships and relationships.