The Garden of Rehabilitation
They say addicts only go in for counseling when they hit rock bottom; I was no exception to that rule. The Garden of Emuna played a major role in my recovery process…
I don’t think that Breslev Israel, Rabbi Arush and Rabbi Brody have any idea of the dramatic way that they touch people’s lives.
I used to wonder who the man and the boy on the front cover of The Garden of Emuna are. In my imagination, the man represents Breslev Israel and the little boy is me.Through Breslev Israel’s website, books and CDs, they’ve literally taken me by the hand, helped save my life, and raised me up from the depths of despair and depression to a personal geula.
I first came across Garden of Emuna a few weeks after I began counseling for my addictions three years ago. If I remember right, it was just a few days after my therapist and I reached the conclusion that underlying the core of all of my problems was an incorrect understanding of my relationship with Hashem. I don’t remember if we were using the word Emuna as the basic catch-all I understand it to be today, but when I saw the book for sale at the central bus station in Jerusalem, I knew I had to get it.
That was almost three years ago. It still lies next to my bed, under two other books. The Trail to Tranquility and The Garden of Peace. It’s probably safe to say I read through one of those books a few times a week.
When I first started on Emuna, my Internet business was failing miserably, and the more effort I put into fixing one technical issue, the more other issues would come up. Even though I had been in Yeshiva for years, my relationship with Hashem was deteriorating, and I was generally miserable. They say addicts only go in for counseling when they hit absolute rock bottom, and I can’t say I was an exception to that rule. Garden of Emuna was as important in my recovery process as the counseling.
For example, the CD Easy Income was also a real lifeline, and helped me get my business on track. Thank G-d, I am now frequently overwhelmed by how well things are going now. I am always so grateful to Hashem, and pray that I will never take his loving-kindness for granted.
When I had a big fight with a business associate earlier this year, I was, just as in the past, consumed all day by an anger that clouded all of my other actions. Another turning point in my life was when I just said, “Enough! I’d rather lose the thousands of shekels we are talking about then spend another minute with this anger!” That night, when I went home to re-read The Trail to Tranquility, I found the help I was looking for. I did some soul searching and rearranged my expectations, and haven’t looked back since. I did end up losing the money we were fighting about at the time, but I learned the skill to not even care. I accept that, and everything else, with full Emuna and patience. That skill was infinitely more valuable than the money, and, as I mentioned, my channels of abundance have since opened up wider than ever before.
In the weeks before I met my bride-to-be, I started working really hard to feel like a real grownup. I started organizing everything I could in my apartment, closing up outstanding debts in life, and clearing up whatever I could. One Thursday, after meeting with my accountant, I left with the conclusion “Once I spend an hour organizing my financial records, I will have everything in life under control.” That Shabbat, I met my future wife at a friend’s Shabbat table.
When I walked Myra home, the first thing that struck a cord was that we’d both been “broken” and worked really hard to pick up the pieces. She really respected the emuna and patience I’d learned, and I sensed a similar tranquility in her. We were both really ready to grow up, and we first discussed marriage two weeks after our first date.
I had been reading The Garden of Peace a lot at the time, and some of the ideas there were a total paradigm shift. One some of our early dates, Myra arrived in shirts with sleeves a bit higher than I was used to seeing religious girls wearing. It would have been so tempting to say something, but I remembered the rule about no criticism, and held my tongue. I’m not sure how things would have progressed between the two of us had I not forced myself to stay quiet. And I’ve really worked to integrate the understanding that my job in our relationship is to give and give more, without expecting anything in return.
People keep shoving other marriage books at me, and Myra and I have read some of them, but I keep coming to the conclusion that I have only one guide I listen to: The Garden of Peace.
Obviously, I can’t thank Breslev Israel enough for sharing emuna with the whole world. Myra is now my wife and we’re profoundly full of gratitude.
Today, it’s really easy to help others – even if you’re not an expert. Just direct them to Breslev Israel, to the Chut Shel Chessed Yeshiva where Rabbi Arush is the Rosh Yeshiva, or send them to the Breslev Israel Bookstore where you can order their books and CDs online. When enough of us attain our personal Geula, then we’ll for certain see the collective Geula together, amen!
8/12/2009
I support your view on Breslev. I too was feeling more and more depressed as I was, all of a sudden, bombarded with one problem after another for many months. I could not belive my “bad luck” and just wanted to crawl under a rock and die. I came across Breslev.co.il read the Garden of Emuna. It changed my outlook on the sitation I was in and I slowly learnt to trust HaShem and to put my daily activities in His hands as soon as I woke up in the morning. The problems have not all gone away,but I no longer live in fear. Thanks!!
8/12/2009
I too was feeling more and more depressed as I was, all of a sudden, bombarded with one problem after another for many months. I could not belive my “bad luck” and just wanted to crawl under a rock and die. I came across Breslev.co.il read the Garden of Emuna. It changed my outlook on the sitation I was in and I slowly learnt to trust HaShem and to put my daily activities in His hands as soon as I woke up in the morning. The problems have not all gone away,but I no longer live in fear. Thanks!!