The Tiny Voice

City life can be so empty – we run and run in circles to get nowhere, filling our time with “culture” and “entertainment” and all these constructs that are smoke and mirrors. Sure, they bring us enjoyment – but as soon as we walk out of the movie or the theatre, after a short adjustment period (usually minutes), it’s back to the “daily grind.” We live in cramped apartments, or even houses, and we’re so far apart from our neighbors even as we’re practically (or literally) living on top of them. And work can consume every last ounce of strength we have for anything else we might like to accomplish.

 

I often feel like I’m a hamster on a wheel – running and running and running, but not achieving anything that is truly real, lasting, or important. I go to work and work, I go home and work. Eat, sleep, work, repeat. I certainly feel better once I’ve cleaned the house or organized my desk, but it is bound to be return to utter chaos again, and far faster than I would like. Forget hamsters – it’s a never ending battle with the dust bunnies!

 

I go to sleep at the end of the day, and even if I’ve ticked off a lot of items on my list, I sometimes wonder what I’ve truly accomplished. This question weighs even heavier when the list is even longer than it was in the morning. Even when I go to bed satisfied that The List has been accomplished, inevitably, more items are added the next day. It’s a battle I can’t win, and I’m totally burnt out fighting it day after day.

 

But out there in the woods, with the lake, I feel real. No List, no noise, no appointments. OK, it’s not real life, and you can’t live that way forever. However, there is something about it that recharges me, like I plugged myself into a gigantic spiritual battery. The truth is, when it is just you and the forest – really, it’s just you and G-d. Nature is just a mask for Hashem.

 

Those moments of serene quiet are the best times to be able to listen to the tiny voice that is your soul, crying to be heard above the hustle and bustle of daily life. Sometimes, I found that I didn’t want to talk at all, just quietly sit and take everything in. At other times, I found myself not being able to get the words and emotions out fast enough.

 

I felt both gigantic and unbelievably tiny at the same time. In my mind, I kept repeating – afar v’efer – we are but dust and ashes – and yet the entire world was created for me! All of this magnificence was created for me to stand here and be inspired by it, and yet I am nothing compared to the greatness of Hashem, and tiny in relation even to the woods that are right in front of me. The trees both comfort me in my suffering, and also remind me of how fleeting life – and hence my current troubles – really are, these trees that could live many times my years. They inspire me to keep going, to not give up on myself – to continue to reach for the sky with my mind and my soul through Torah and emuna, and dig my roots deep with good deeds.

 

And as I stood there, looking out on this beautiful lake covered in snow – I asked myself: How do I take this back with me? How can I make this moment truly last, and not get immediately lost upon my return to life? And how do I bring the meaning I feel at this moment, the deep satisfaction at feeling that I accomplished something real, back to the rat race?

 

My soul answered back to me: mitzvot. True hisbodedus not only recharges you and helps you better cope with life and keep the smile on your face – but it also provides lasting meaning in your day. Connecting to Hashem and strengthening your emuna – on a day where you took one tiny step on that path, you accomplished something truly lasting, something eternal. As Rabbi Brody relates on many CDs, if you truly knew a mitzvah’s true value – you would be singing and dancing all day long. Why? Because with that mitzvah, you just connected yourself to Hashem and eternity. No matter what happens, you accomplished something that day – something you can be proud of, and that will stand you in good stead forever in the World to Come. It doesn’t matter how seemingly insignificant, every single mitzvah is worth more than any of us could possibly conceive of. In fact, Hashem gives you a tiny taste of the reward that awaits you in the deep satisfaction that permeates your being when you’ve truly done something G-dly. There is no worldy pleasure that comes even close.

 

And with every mitzvah, we also bring the world that much closer to Moshiach, and the time when we will actually be able to hear with our ears the song of the trees, the lakes, and the mountains. The illusion of the rat race will be erased, and replaced with a time where the glory of Hashem fills the earth like water covers the ocean and we will be able to dedicate ourselves exclusively to the development of our souls, not just our pocketbooks and our mansions. If each of us could do something – anything – with eternal meaning every day, then G-d willing, we really will get to that great and glorious time, very soon, and in our days.