Who Do I Pick, Dad or God?
A seventeen year old asks, “Why is G-d putting me to such a cruel test, and making me pick between Him and Dad? What should I do? I feel like I'm torn apart…”
Dear Rabbi Brody,
My father calls me a rebellious son, because I want to become orthodox, eat kosher, and keep Shabbat. He owns a hardware store in a large mall here in the Bay area, and Saturday’s his big volume day. Even though I’m only 17 and a junior in high school, I’m a whiz at his business. As it is, I work after school and save him part-time help costs. Now he’s really burning mad at me, because I feel so guilty about working on Shabbat and refuse to continue to do so. Although Mom is conservative and respects Judaism, she won’t go to bat for me because she doesn’t want to get on Dad’s blacklist. Why is G-d putting me to such a cruel test, and making me pick between Him and Dad? What should I do? I feel like I’m being torn apart. My studies (which I find boring to death anyway) are on a slide. Please, can you send me some kind of lifeline? I trust you, rabbi, hope to hear from you fast. I don’t have anyone else to turn to. Yours, Gary from California
Dear Gary,
King Solomon said “Nothing is new under the sun”. Abraham, the father of the Jewish people, had a tribulation very similar to yours.
Technically speaking, the commandment for keeping the Sabbath is #4 on the Top Ten. The commandment for honoring your parents is #5 on the Top Ten. Our sages conclude therefore, that we do anything our parents tell us to do except for breaking a commandment, such as failing to observe the Sabbath. Your Dad is correct that you’re going against his wishes – certainly a negative deed. Yet, he doesn’t respect G-d’s wishes – also a negative deed. In math, a negative number multiplied by another negative number equals a positive number; therefore, your act of observing the Sabbath is also a positive deed (negative times negative equals positive).
Practically speaking, you can please your father while pleasing G-d too. Learn as much as you can about the commandment of honoring your parents. Give them respect that they never dreamed of. When your Dad gets home from work, greet him at the door, take his coat and briefcase, sit him down and bring him his slippers and his favorite drink. If he tells you to shine his shoes with your tongue, tell him you’ll be happy to do it. Never argue with him. Soon, he’ll realize how much he profits by having a truly upright son that lives his life according to the Torah, and he’ll get off your back about the Sabbath issue. Ask Mom to cooperate, to light Sabbath candles and to prepare a festive meal every Friday night; your Dad’s heart will melt when he sits down to a festive Sabbath table with his family.
Practically speaking, you can please your father while pleasing G-d too.
G-d is not being cruel to you, Gary; the contrary. The Special Forces get much rougher training than the cooks and clerks. You are apparently one of The Almighty’s elite young men, with a fantastic spiritual potential. That why your “training”, in other words your trials and tribulations, are also tougher.
Your boredom with school is most likely due to your neshama’s (soul’s) thirst to study Torah. Your public high school can’t deliver the goods. I don’t know what the options are in your area, but I strongly suggest that you establish contact with a local orthodox rabbi whom you like and can relate to. If you can’t find a local educational framework that fits for you, there are plenty opportunities for young men like you over here in Israel; nevertheless, hold the idea of learning in Israel in the drawer for another year. If you pop it to your Dad at this stage, he may freak out altogether.
Meanwhile, continue helping out in the store during the week. Pour your heart out in prayer to Hashem, and ask for divine guidance and assistance. If you play your cards right, in time, you just might turn your father into a Shomer Shabbat; in Hashem’s eyes, that would be a grand slam homer in the bottom of the ninth. Hang tough, Gary. I’m really proud of you, and so are the entire Jewish people.
Yours always, Lazer Brody
9/29/2009
follow up Hi Rabbi
What would really be cool is if you could publish successful follow up stories so that people could see the power of personal prayer and emunah.
Thanks
9/29/2009
Hi Rabbi
What would really be cool is if you could publish successful follow up stories so that people could see the power of personal prayer and emunah.
Thanks
11/17/2008
Banned by Family
My mother issued so many ultimatums that i ABANDON JEWISH PRACTICE TO PROVE MY DEVOTION TO HER: EAT TREIF, USE ELECTRICITY ON SHABBAT, CELEBRATE HER XMAS TREE-BUILDING BORN-JEWISH FRIENDS, ATTEND INTERMARRIAGES OF FAMILY MEMBERS, ETC. I declined each time from age 12 onward. I’ve been written out of her will, never invited to family functions. She never visited me after life-saving brain surgery nor even sent a get-well card. There is no room in her life for HaShem if I pay respect to Him.