Profile of a Scholar
The Melitzer Rebbetzen reveals some amazing intimate details about “The Rov”, her husband the Melitzer Rebbe, and explains what “Torah scholar” really means.
I haven't communicated with you in a while because I only write when I have something worthwhile (in my eyes at least) to say.
This doesn't mean I am a quiet person; I'm actually a very social, talkative person but at this age I have at least learnt that not everything I think needs to be said – this art being acquired (the hard way) as my four sons married and daughters-in-law were added to the family; and even more than that, not everything that is said needs to be written. (If you say something silly it will soon be forgotten, but write it down and it will be in print forever. So what you see here has actually been distilled twice, real 'pearls of wisdom').
Even after all that, I am still setting down in print that I have come to the conclusion (ba'al gaavoh that I am) THAT I AM THE CENTER OF THE WORLD. And before you think "phew, who does that Rebbetzen think she is", or "how could she write such a thing after the previous paragraph!" let me explain this outrageous statement:
I came across an intriguing phrase a few weeks ago and I've been trying to puzzle it out (in between the Sudoku and logical puzzles that I do to keep my brain from degenerating. Some people relax with puzzles but for me they serve as a tool to keep my brain sharp. When I really want to relax I either read, or knit for the grandchildren, something that is most definitely allowed at this stage of my life, although I am still very far from the other half of the classical picture of a knitting grandmother, sitting in a rocking chair).
The phrase that drew my attention was תלמידי חכמים מרבים שלום לעולם – Talmidei Chachomim (Torah scholars) bring peace to the world; and it intrigued me because I wondered how could that be possible. After all the definition of a Talmid Chochom is someone who has amassed a tremendous amount of Torah learning, and to get to this stage the Talmid Chochom has sat and learned continuously probably for many years, so where in the middle of all this has he had the time to work on bringing peace to the world?
The partial answer I worked out for myself (after all, what do I do the Sudoku puzzles for if not to be able to think for myself occasionally?) was that a Talmid Chochom is wise and learned and is therefore able to answer queries and advise people. In this way he brings peace into their lives, but even so that still hasn't brought peace to the whole world.
Seeing that the puzzles have not yet sharpened my brain to the point that I know the answers without having learnt Torah, I went in to the Rov (my husband, who people know as the Melitzer Rebbe) to put the question to him. And the Rov who is far cleverer than me (without the puzzles) immediately came up with the following explanation:
A person attains the status of a Talmid Chochom by concentrated learning hour after hour for days and years on end. But in order to be able to sit and learn for such extraordinary lengths of time, the Talmid Chochom must love his learning very much; only in this way is he able to persevere.
Actually I think this is a very apt description of the Rov himself because the Rov loves learning above all else; he will 'steal' minutes from everywhere just to be able to learn a bit more. The Rov is like a shikur (drunk) in a wine shop who is always thirsty for more wine; so he learns from first thing in the morning until last thing at night (see adjacent photo). So 'thirsty' is the Rov for learning that when he drinks a coffee it has to be half cold so that he can drink it down as fast as possible; in this way he is not delayed from his learning for even the few seconds that it would take to drink a coffee 'normally'.
Even the making of the coffee is designed to take the least amount of time. The Rov will put the kettle up to boil, and in the meantime will run back to his place to sit down and learn because it's a waste of time to wait for the kettle to boil from scratch. When the Rov comes back to the kitchen after a few minutes he will reboil the kettle but then it will reboil within the amount of time it takes to prepare the coffee and sugar in the cup. (And if you're going to ask why does the Rov need to reboil the kettle if he's anyway going to drink the coffee half cold, there's an answer for that as well, but let's not divulge all the secrets in one go).
And if you think that because the Rov is forever in a rush to learn he neglects his wife, the exact opposite is the truth. One of the mitzvos in the Torah is that a husband must be mechabed (honor) his wife even more than himself. And as the Rov exerts himself to the utmost to fulfill all the mitzvos in the Torah, I am made to feel that I am the most important person in the world and I get the utmost attention whenever I want or need it.
To return to the subject in hand: If a person loves what he is doing then he is happy and content, at peace with himself and with the world around him. In this mood he will radiate satisfaction and contentment, and will interact with the people around him in a calm and pleasant manner; this will then reflect itself on those around him, who in their turn will also be serene and content.
They will then radiate their good mood to their surroundings, who in turn will also be affected by it and who in their turn will pass it on…… and on……. and on – in ever-widening circles – until peace has been brought to the world. So the Talmid Chochom sits at the centre and affects the whole world like the ripples in a pond that roll out in ever-widening circles.
Conversely, we see many people who are upset, angry, or even just not happy; this stems from the dissatisfaction in their hearts with their lot in life, or with what they possess. They feel hard-done-by, or think that if they had more money or x, y or z they would be happy, and this in turn affects their behaviour.
I thought that the Rov's explanation really was beautiful and I was really taken by it. I visualized the world as a calm and peaceful place, with people talking nicely and considerately to each other, not being rude and in a rush, trying to help each other and making life pleasant for each other. Ah! What a beautiful dream!
But then I came down to earth with a bump and found myself back in the real world – whilst the Rov had of course returned to his learning.
And as I stood there I wondered what is the catalyst that sets this whole process in motion? What is so powerful that it can cause ripples and changes across the whole world? The Rov's answer to this was that it is the Talmid Chochom's happiness with what he is doing that causes him to be so content and satisfied; it is the activating mechanism for the whole process.
But ladies, if happiness and satisfaction with what one is doing is what brings peace to the world this is most definitely not just the province of a Talmid Chochom – anyone can achieve the same thing – the anyone being you and me! We too can bring peace to the world (or at least to the world around us) by being happy, satisfied and content with our tafkid (task) in this world. And we will be content if we really internalize the importance of our role in life; that we women are the ones keeping the world running by fulfilling Hashem's will in raising the next generation of loyal servants who will live their lives according to the noble values of Torah and dedicate themselves to the learning and spreading of Torah in the world. If we recognize the importance of the vital role we play we will be at peace with ourselves and not seek recognition of our value as women in other ways.
And if we are at peace with ourselves we will radiate this and it will be felt throughout the home. We will connect with and talk to our families in a pleasant tone of voice and a sweet manner. Our families will feel this, reflect it and pass it on to their surroundings…….. and they too will play their part in bringing peace to the world – WHICH MAKES ME (AND YOU) THE CENTRE OF THE WORLD.
On a further note, when I stop and think I am quite shaken at the power we women wield over our immediate surroundings. A smile, a pleasant tone of voice and a sweet manner affects our family immeasurably; it empowers our husbands and children so that they are able to go out and deal with the outside world. So ladies, be aware of your power and wield it accordingly.
May Hashem give you all, righteous woman the world over, the ko'ach (power) to do His will lovingly and gracefully, to build your families so that they are the pride and joy of our nation, and a credit to you.
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