Words From the Heart … Enter the Heart

When Kaalov first arrived in America, there were tremendous economic challenges. It was difficult for observant Jews to find work. My holy father, the Rebbe, zt”l, had taken on the responsibility to support and rebuild the Torah institutions and communities in America.  
 

“The sons of Gershon: Livni and Shimi to their families.” (Shemot 6:17)  
 

In 1948, the Rebbe, zt”l decided to travel to Chicago, a city that was known for supporting Torah, to raise funds for the community in New York. The Rebbe zt”l left on a Thursday for a two-week trip. However, the Chassidim were shocked to see that the Rebbe had returned on Sunday.  
 

When the Chassidim asked what happened, the gabbaim explained that on Shabbat morning, the Rebbe zt”l went to one of the large shuls in Chicago. When he entered the sanctuary, he saw that the men and woman were sitting together in one room with nothing but a short, little divider between them. The Rebbe zt”l was shocked and went directly over to the Rabbi and asked, “How, in your shul, can you allow such a brazen disregard for Halacha?!”  
 

“There is nothing I can do,” answered the Rabbi, “I can’t change it. But, if you want to get up and talk about it, fine by me. However, if you stand at the pulpit and address this issue, you will not be able to raise money in this town. And they won’t change the mechitzah anyway.”  
 

The Rebbe zt”l didn’t flinch. He walked up to the bimah (podium), without pause or preparation, and began giving a lesson on the stringency of the laws. At the end, the Rebbe zt”l concluded: “I don’t want to raise funds here. All I ask is that you take the money you would have given me and build a proper mechitzah (a physical divider between men and women’s section)”.  
 

After Shabbat, the Rebbe zt”l returned to New York.  
 

However, words that come from the heart enter the heart, and a short time later the Rebbe zt”l received a letter from the Chicago community explaining that the Rebbe’s self-sacrifice, his willingness to forfeit the potential success of his fundraising trip, made a tremendous impact on the congregation. They considered what he had said carefully and decided that they should replace the current mechitzah with a proper one.  
 

The community quickly saw the impact of the mechitzah, the bracha that having a proper place to daven brought into their lives. Every year after that, they would send the Rebbe an update on the community and a donation.  
 

Mussar Reflecting Ahavat Yisroel  

This story teaches us an incredible principle: when you give someone mussar (ethical teaching) – a student, a friend, a family member – it must be done out of deep love. Like many of the great tzaddikim who would always try and inspire Jews to work on themselves, to improve their behaviors. These tzaddikim were motivated by a tremendous Ahavat Yisroel, a love for each Jew; they wanted to ensure that they only received blessings in their lives and avoid any suffering or punishment as a result of their transgressions.  
 

This motivation, this concern for their spiritual well-being ensured that the words entered into their hearts. Like the passuk says in Mishlei (27:19), “As water reflects a face back to a face, so one’s heart is reflected back to him in another.” As Chazal explains in (Shemot Rabbah 1:1) on the passuk Mishlei (13:24), “But he who loves him, disciplines him in his youth.” This means that a son loves his father more when he is disciplined!  
 

This is a fundamental principle in giving mussar. As the Zohar explains in Parshat Kedoshim that the passuk says (Vayikra 19:17), “You shall not hate your brother in your heart; you shall reprove your fellow.” The Torah juxtaposes these two ideas together because it is critical that before you give anyone mussar you must be certain that your words are spoken from a place of love and not hate. On the contrary, it is a mitzvah to give mussar out of love, out of concern for another Jew’s welfare.  
 

When you approach mussar out of love, you can bring other Jews closer to Hashem and his Torah. Chazal teach us this very idea in Pirkei Avos (1:12) when they describe Aharon as someone who loved all of mankind and brought them closer to the Torah.  
 

A Grateful Prince  

Reb Baruch from Kassov wrote about this very concept in his Sefer Amud Havodah (Drush Machshava) where he relates the following story:  
 

There was once a king who did not have an heir to the throne. The years went by and finally, in his old age, the kind was blessed with the birth of his first and only son, the heir to his kingdom. As the boy grow older, the King wanted to ensure that he had the best education and training, preparing him to be a fine king.  
 

However, the boy was not a well-behaved student. And, finally, his tutor approached the king and said, “I have tried my very best, but is impossible to educate your son without properly discipline him. But I am worried, that one day, when he is king, he will remember me as the teacher who punished him, and he would seek me out to have me killed!”  
 

The king replied: “It all depends on your intention. If you are angry and are responding out of anger, you will fill his heart with resentment towards you. However, if you reprimand and discipline him out of love, because you are trying to guide him, to help him find a productive path in life, then your reprimand will bring a love into my son’s heart. He is too young now to realize it; all he will see is the reprimand. However, when my son grows up and has the maturity and understanding to realize that everything he has been able to achieve was a result of your education, of your teaching, of your guiding him along, that love that was infused in his heart will burn even brighter.”  
 

This was at the core of the Baal Shem Tov teachings. The Baal Shem Tov empowered each of his chassidim to go out into the world to teach Jews the proper way to behave, the proper way to live a Jewish life. Inevitably that would mean giving mussar. They would have to reprimand the transgressions and behaviors that were contrary to Halacha. But they did it out of love, out of Ahavat Yisroel. There was a deep, strong and powerful sense of concern for the spiritual welfare of the other Jews that motivated everything the Baal Shem Tov, and his disciples did. They recognized that the Jewish people are one family and were responsible for one another.  
 

Helping Bring Jews Back to Torah Through Loving Words

This is what the pasuk is teaching us in our passuk.  
 

“The sons of Gershon” – the word “Gershon” is referring to the Jews who are divorced and separated from the holy world of Torah and Mitzvot.  
 

“Libni” is from the same root word as to whiten or bleach. Even the Jews who far removed from Torah and Mitzvot can have their “sins bleached”, they can return back to Hashem.  
 

“Shimei to their families.” The word “Shimei” is rooted in the same word as to listen. They can be brought back to Torah and Mitzvot through inspiring and impassioned mussar. But how can that mussar be effective? The passuk concludes by saying, “to their families”. As long as the speaker realizes every Jew is part of one, large family, and that the words of reprimand or reproach are said out of true love and concern, then those words will find a home in the heart of the listener.  
 

God willing, every Jew should realize the responsibility we have for one another’s welfare, spiritually and physically. When you have the opportunity to teach another Jew a better way to live or behave, you need to be careful that it is done out of love. By doing so, your words will inspire and, with Hashem’s help, more Jews will find their way back to the path of Torah and Mitzvot. Amen. 

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The Kalever Rebbe is the seventh Rebbe of the Kaalov Chasidic dynasty, begun by his ancestor who was born to his previously childless parents after receiving a blessing from the Baal Shem Tov zt”l, and later learned under the Maggid of Mezeritch zt”l. The Rebbe has been involved in outreach for more than 30 years, and writes weekly emails on understanding current issues through the Torah. You can sign up at www.kaalov.org.